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Band 4

In order to solve traffic jam and air pollution, governments should promote the use of bicycles and restrict vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #jam #air #pollution #governments #bicycles #vehicles
According to
 some people’s consideration, bicycle usage should be encouraged and excessive
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation
show examples
 of
vehicles
 should be prevented by governments to resolve traffic congestion and poor
air
 quality. I definitely agree with
this
 argument. Since the
vehicles
 which majority are powered by fossil fuels cause ozone layer depletion and
this
 situation directly
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the climate crisis and
air
 pollution. On the one hand, in today's ,world
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil fuels are more utilized in public transportation rather than biofuels and electricity.
Therefore
, the rate of carbon dioxide emissions of exhaust fumes soars drastically
day-by-day
Correct your spelling
day by day
show examples
 and
this
 phenomenon boosts global warming and the greenhouse effect in the vast megacities dramatically.
Moreover
, climate change poses a threat to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 human generation
as well as
 species of animals and plants. The Republic of Brazil is a good example
to utilize
Change preposition
of utilizing
show examples
biofuels. Half of
Brazil
Change noun form
Brazil's
show examples
 population
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
 biofuel-powered
vehicles
 which are produced from sugar cane fermentation and
this
 way there is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
air
 quality in there.
On the other hand
, toxic gas emissions give rise to
air
 pollution in overwhelming metropolises.
Likewise
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health problems
such
 as respiration disorders,
visual
Correct word choice
and visual
show examples
 delegation are boosted
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
due to
air
 pollution. So
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental conservation measures must be taken urgently by governments for the healthy life of future generations.
For instance
,
according to
 the World Health Organization
called
Verb problem
apply
show examples
WHO, the current levels of contamination in the
air
 increased by two per cent and
therefore
 the rate of health problems
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 a more critical level compared to the
last
Correct word choice
previous
show examples
 year in highly populated countries.
As a consequence
, the use of bicycles should be supported by governments against
vehicles
 used for a more sustainable novel world. Excessive usage of
vehicles
 should be reduced and directly curbed by the ministries.
Submitted by senansuleymanli333 on

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task response
In order to improve task response, provide a more balanced argument by discussing potential drawbacks of promoting bicycles and restricting vehicles. Consider presenting a counterargument to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing the essay more clearly. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Additionally, aim to use transition words and phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next smoothly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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