It is more important for a building to serve its purposes than to look beautiful. Architects do not need to worry about whether it is a real work of art. Do you agree or disagree?

It is not uncommon to see nowadays that young
people
are not only richer , but
also
more and more other
factors
are
also
affecting
people
such
as safer ,healthier and less happy .
This
is especially noticeable in young
people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
not only richer
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society ,which has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remarkable
Change the word
remarkably
show examples
changed the
humans
Change to a genitive case
human's
humans'
show examples
life
There fore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
,
this essay will
Add the word(s)
but this essay will also
show examples
analysis
Replace the word
analyse
show examples
possible reasons giving rise to
this
case objectively and figure out some effective ways to solve
this
urgent issue from my point of view ,the cause of
this
situation are diverse
To begin
people
are less happy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because the work pressure is too much caused is one of the key
factors
this
largely
due to
the fact that young
people
have a pressure a good case to support
this
situation is
for example
,in the family ,couples will work together to solve
life
problems ,including education children ,in the
Childs
Change to a genitive case
Child's
show examples
growth process ,there will inevitably be quarrels .which has become the key factor why a large
people
have a less happy. Another cause is
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives get better and better costs increase and in many ways ,
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
show examples
is important ,but transitional consumption can
also
make
people
unhappy it is widely accepted that transitional consumption will make
people
unhappy ,I suggest that in
life
can be rational consumption ,saving a good habit . unquestionable ,there are several
factors
to the issue of
less
Add a missing verb
being less
show examples
happy . To deal with
this
hard nut ,some effective and useful methods should be taken without any delay . To be specific ,the governments have no choice but to apply healthy books
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
help
people
grow up healthy ,in
life
,some negative energy will affect
people
,it is terrible ,not only
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
the work and learning inefficiencies, but
also
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
the mentality ,so I think ,green guidance is a good choice An the same time ,young
people
have to put more focus on communication with the friends so that the issue of exchange healthy message can be solved in a quicker way
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
To sum up
, there are several
factors
leading to the problem of why young
people
lead to less happy of not only richer
life
.
however
,
this
problem can
be solve
Change the verb form
be solved
show examples
by proper ways In a word ,only in
this
way can
this
problem be effectively solved ,and
people
can have a better future.
Submitted by 59213142 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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