IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People should work a fixed number of hours per week, and employers should not ask anybody to work more than this. Do you agree or disagree?

In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 present world, everyone is expected to
work
Use synonyms
 more than ever. In fact, they might
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two jobs to keep up with the competitive market. I agree with the idea of fixing the number of working hours
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 employers ought not to demand more
work
Use synonyms
 from their employees. And
this
Linking Words
 will be proven by analysing the productivity that could be delivered by recovering more,
as well as
Linking Words
 the possibility of having more exercise.
Firstly
Linking Words
, by having a good amount of
time
Use synonyms
 to recover, employees could deliver more and avoid burnout phenomena. 
For example
Linking Words
, many employees in the medical sector in the UK have to
work
Use synonyms
 sometimes for more than 16 hours.
As a result
Linking Words
, there have been many accidents
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, both employers and personnel could benefit from establishing a predetermined schedule.
Secondly
Linking Words
, people could use more free
time
Use synonyms
 to exercise. Generally, working from 9 to 5 means they are left with a little amount of
time
Use synonyms
 to be more active.
For instance
Linking Words
, several studies
are suggesting
Wrong verb form
suggest
show examples
 that a high number of workers are suffering from obesity
due to
Linking Words
 the sedentary lifestyle we live in.
Thus
Linking Words
, working less would encourage more individuals to be more active and keep fit. In conclusion, by working more
freedom
Replace the word
freely
show examples
, people could have more energy to
work
Use synonyms
 and at the same
time
Use synonyms
 have a
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
show examples
 life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I agree that people ought to
work
Use synonyms
 a fixed number of hours. It is recommended that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should promote a balanced way of life by running campaigns on television and radio.

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development
Plan a clear main idea in each body paragraph and add more specific detail to show how fixed hours help work life.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas fit together.
language
Fix grammar and keep short sentences to be easy to read.
examples
Give one or two strong examples with numbers or facts to make your point clear.
structure
State your view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion.
task response
Clear stance in intro and a plan to support it.
coherence
Body has two clear points with simple order.
content
Examples from real life help the idea feel true.
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