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Writing Samples
Band 5

In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#happiness #relationship #friends #colleagues #work #wealth
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Well, actually it is necessary
problem
 because a
lot
 of
people
 want to earn a
lot
 of
money
 and they
work
 very hard. The
people
 forgot about their family,
friends
, and colleagues. It is not an
industriousness
Replace the word
industrious
show examples
 person that loves a job. In my opinion, they enjoy
then
 earn huge abundance. In my view,
people
 divided useful and useless parts, I would like to rewrite
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both of them. It seems to me that, nowadays
people
 try to live convenient so they earn a
lot
 of
money
. It is the
first
 reason why they do not spot
work
 and forgot about their vocation or do not want to relax. From my point of view the
second
 ,reason is
respect
. The
people
 want to
respect
 themselves. Humankind loves themselves and
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to live comfortable. To my way of thinking
third
, it is entertainment because a
lot
 of
people
 enjoy a
funny
Replace the word
fun
show examples
lifestyle
. They spend a
lot
 of
money
 on dance clubs, pub clubs and so on.
As a result
, I think
people
 must earn a
lot
 of
money
 for convenience, for
respect
 and for entertainment
lifestyle
.
On the contrary
, I think
people
 should improve results and earn a
lot
 of
money
 for their
lifestyle
. But we never forgot about
people
 which
respect
 and help us.
For example
, family,
friends
, and colleagues. When we
work
 very hard every day. The
people
 step by step does not pay attention to our relationship with family,
friends
, and colleagues. It is a serious
problem
 for our
people
 who
work
 every day. We to
try
Add the particle
totry
show examples
 earn a
lot
 of
money
 and never forgot about
people
 who are very necessary for your
lifestyle
. The
people
 never pay attention
this
 is a
problem
.
However
, it is small
problem
 in future that will be a huge
problem
.
For instance
,
friends
 lost in touch, devise family and so on.
Hence
, it is important for our lives past and future. We never forgot about for closer. In my view, we should
work
 very hard and earn a
lot
 of
money
 because a
lot
 of
people
 want to live rich. But we never forgot closer
people
.
Submitted by Qcutruxa on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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