IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In achieving personal happiness, our relationship with family, friends, and colleagues are more important work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#happiness #relationship #friends #colleagues #work #wealth
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Well, actually it is necessary
problem
Use synonyms
 because a
lot
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 of
people
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 want to earn a
lot
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 of
money
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 and they
work
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 very hard. The
people
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 forgot about their family,
friends
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, and colleagues. It is not an
industriousness
Replace the word
industrious
show examples
 person that loves a job. In my opinion, they enjoy
then
Linking Words
 earn huge abundance. In my view,
people
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 divided useful and useless parts, I would like to rewrite
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both of them. It seems to me that, nowadays
people
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 try to live convenient so they earn a
lot
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 of
money
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. It is the
first
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 reason why they do not spot
work
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 and forgot about their vocation or do not want to relax. From my point of view the
second
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 ,reason is
respect
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. The
people
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 want to
respect
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 themselves. Humankind loves themselves and
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to live comfortable. To my way of thinking
third
Linking Words
, it is entertainment because a
lot
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 of
people
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 enjoy a
funny
Replace the word
fun
show examples
lifestyle
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. They spend a
lot
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 of
money
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 on dance clubs, pub clubs and so on.
As a result
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, I think
people
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 must earn a
lot
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 of
money
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 for convenience, for
respect
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 and for entertainment
lifestyle
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.
On the contrary
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, I think
people
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 should improve results and earn a
lot
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 of
money
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 for their
lifestyle
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. But we never forgot about
people
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 which
respect
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 and help us.
For example
Linking Words
, family,
friends
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, and colleagues. When we
work
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 very hard every day. The
people
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 step by step does not pay attention to our relationship with family,
friends
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, and colleagues. It is a serious
problem
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 for our
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
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 every day. We to
try
Add the particle
totry
show examples
 earn a
lot
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 of
money
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 and never forgot about
people
Use synonyms
 who are very necessary for your
lifestyle
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. The
people
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 never pay attention
this
Linking Words
 is a
problem
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.
However
Linking Words
, it is small
problem
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 in future that will be a huge
problem
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.
For instance
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,
friends
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 lost in touch, devise family and so on.
Hence
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, it is important for our lives past and future. We never forgot about for closer. In my view, we should
work
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 very hard and earn a
lot
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 of
money
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 because a
lot
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 of
people
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 want to live rich. But we never forgot closer
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Qcutruxa on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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