IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

2.2 More and more students at university today are not choosing to study science. Why is this happening? What are the effects of this?

#students #university #study #science #effects
In the past, the majority of parents always encouraged their children to study in
science
fields
.
Nevertheless
, the number of students in higher education selected for
science
 programs these days continues to reduce.
This
 essay will first look at the reasons why
this
 happens, and
then
 explore the potential effects that having fewer
science
 students can cause. The primary reason that studying in branches of
science
becomes
Wrong verb form
is becoming
show examples
 less and less common is the changing attitude towards education. In the twentieth century, those who studied in related
science
 faculties
in particular
 medicine,
science
 and engineering were considered to be honourable people and usually offered high salaries and high job
securities
Fix the agreement mistake
security
show examples
,
while
 those who graduated from other
fields
 were left behind. Fortunately, millennials see things differently. They give more valves to other majors and choose those for their choices. They learn that studying other courses , apart from
science
, can
also
 provide them with high income and respect
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. A declining number of
science
 learners causes a great shift in job industries. Researchers, scientists and other relevant careers in the
science
 field will be in high demand and eventually shortage which would lead to fewer technological developments.
On the other hand
, the number of those who graduated from other faculties,
such
 as Arts , Business Administration ,and Law, will rise and contribute to several developments in their countries.
To sum up
, educational perspective development plays an important role in
this
 shift causing lowering numbers
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
science
 learners and employee
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
 in specific
fields
.
However
, it is a blessing in disguise because
further
 development in different
fields
 will come up and will lead to sustainable development.
Submitted by Rain on

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task response
Your essay provides a partial response to the task by addressing the reasons for the decline in science students, but it could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of the effects of this decline. Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are covered in sufficient depth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the introduction could be more engaging and clearly outline the main points of the essay. Additionally, the development of supporting ideas throughout the essay could be made clearer and more cohesive.

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