In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development?

In several nations, a few individuals
extension
Replace the word
extend
show examples
of working time.
This
essay will discuss “Why does
this
happen ? “and “ Is it positive or negative ? “ . In my point of view, I choose it is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
development. I will tell you the reason why people
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
overtime.
First
,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
overtime can earn more money than usual improve the quality of
life
especially when we live in a large city like Ho Chi Minh city they need a lot of money to buy a house for
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
and stabilize
life
.
Second
, they have a stable economy to settle down, get married and build their own nest.
Then
they can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their dreams like
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
around the world or buying expensive items.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
I completely agree that working overtime causes many negative effects.
First
, doing a lot of work will harm our health, make
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
exhausted, cause many diseases.
Second
, they will have less time to spend with friends and relatives and that will cause a lot of influence on their relationships, making them feel worse and they just focus on work. In conclusion,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
lots of hours
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working has its own benefits and drawbacks. To be honest, I think they should balance between works and their
life
. If not they will feel stress easy to cause negative thoughts about
life
. They should spend a little time
to relax
Change the verb form
relaxing
show examples
and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
themselves, family and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
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