IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The charts below show the percentage of volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014

The charts below show the percentage of volunteers by organizations in 2008 and 2014
#show #percentage #volunteers #organizations
The pie graphs demonstrate the volunteers' proportions in institutions in two different years, 2008 and 2014.
Overall
, the education funds held the highest perceptual value among organizations
while
 the health care segment described the lowest percentage in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both given years.
Moreover
,
besides
 having a considerable number, the rest of the institutes showed small quantities in each graph. Regarding the first chart, 24% of volunteers belonged to educational foundations, followed by environmentalists and art grantees, at 21% and 18%, respectively. Only 7% of charitable people helped health care institutes.
Thus
, the
last
 30% were divided between
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and other organizations. In terms of the
second
 pie chart, the percentage of environmental unpaid workers grew
8
Change preposition
by 8
show examples
% in comparison to 2008, reaching 29%. A quarter of the voluntaries supported
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 foundations, which demonstrated a significant percentage increase.
On the other hand
, the health care proportions remained
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
, at 8%,
while
 the participation of the environmental and the other
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 significantly, obtaining 17% and 9% in
this
 order.
In addition
,
this
 slight fall was
also
 observed in volunteering in art, which went down from 18% to 12% in 2014.
Submitted by lufemurta on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: