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Writing Samples
Band 5

With the fast pace of modern life, more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#pace #life #people #food #meals
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In
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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today’s hectic world everything has changed into being mechanical and super-fast, there is an influx in
number
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a number
the number
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 of
people
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 who replace fast
food
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to
Change preposition
with
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 their so-called
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
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food
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 eating fast
food
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 can cause some
health
Use synonyms
 problems in my opinion having fast
food
Use synonyms
 in rush times could be
quick
Correct article usage
a quick
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 and
also
Linking Words
 cheap choice.
From
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On
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, eating fast
food
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 to a large extent can harm
Correct article usage
the humans
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humans
Replace the word
human
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 body and orgasms as it usually contains
high
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a high
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 amount of preservatives and additives.
That is
Linking Words
 because
company’s
Correct article usage
the company’s
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 holder aim is to process
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 for
Add an article
the consumer
a consumer
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consumer
Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
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 with less price with the aim of
grab
Wrong verb form
grabbing
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 the
Correct your spelling
customer
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costumer
Correct your spelling
customer
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 attention.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
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 normal
people
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 neglect the importance of their
health
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 and scarify their
health
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 to the affordable price of fast
food
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 containing oil in excess and
other detrimental additive
Change the wording
another detrimental additive
other detrimental additives
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.
However
Linking Words
, irrespective of all, is not a prime disadvantage nowadays there is
a
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apply
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high control over
procedure
Add an article
the procedure
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 of fast foods and processed foods and they are made under the most hygienic conditions.
From
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On
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 the other hand, the lifestyles have been
changes
Wrong verb form
changed
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 widely, since
people
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 have to spend long hours outside at work or hustling around they often face
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
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 of time.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, they cannot spend long hours
cook
Wrong verb form
cooking
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 their desirable and
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
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 healthy meals at home as it is
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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. Irrespective of
health
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 problems that can cause
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
forget
Fix the infinitive
to forget
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 about traditional
food
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for
many
Replace the quantifier
much
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 fast
Use synonyms
food
Change to a plural noun
foods
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 has low cost and there is
now
Correct your spelling
no
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other
Change the wording
another
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 alternative for
many
Correct your spelling
any
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group
Change to a plural noun
groups
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 in society.
This
Linking Words
 could be a high advantage for many that really can’t afford
high
Add an article
the high
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 cost of living and without
it
Add a comma
,it
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 many would suffer from starvation. In general, having fast
food
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 as a main meal all the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 for
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 wouldn’t benefit us,
although
Linking Words
,
fast
Add an article
the fast
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food
Use synonyms
 industry has developed and is often controlled by safety organizations.
Submitted by mary.zadegan on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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