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Writing Samples /
Band 3

The international community must act immediately to ensure that all countries reduce their consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#community #act #countries #consumption #fuels #gas #oil
The whole society has to make sure all the
countries
 decreasing the fossil fuels using as soon as possible. In my view, I agree parts of the ideas for all the nations should not
use
 that much
gas
 and
oil
.
To begin
 with, some
countries
 has overused
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gas
 and
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to some
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 problems. Some
countries
 are rich, and they have
technology
Add an article
the technology
show examples
 to dig for
oil
 and find
gas
 by paying for it. Even though, they do not have good
use
 on them. From some
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
 and underground
water
Add a comma
,water
show examples
 people can see some fossil fuels. These cost people’s
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 getting worse and the global pollution happened.
On the other hand
, ensure some developing
countries
 have enough fossil fuels to
use
. By describing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
gas
 and
oil
. These kinds of products are the things that cannot leave people’s life.
For example
, most of the cars in the world still need
oil
 to make sure transportations move normally. Since
this
 happened, the whole world should work together and balance each
countries
gas
 and
oil
use
. Due to separate the fossil in each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 correctly to make the world
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better. That will not that much environmental news from all over the earth and balance
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
 relationship between
countries
.
Submitted by jialiu368 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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