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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

#people #access #computers #children #video #games
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In the 21 century
children
Use synonyms
 grow up with computers, cellphones and many other technological
stimulus
Change to a plural noun
stimuli
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.
This
Linking Words
 evolution
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
impact
Add an article
an impact
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 on the way
children
Use synonyms
 spend their time. Most of them enjoy playing
videogames
Correct your spelling
video games
show examples
, boys
in particular
Linking Words
. Is it positive or negative for their development? It depends on how and for how long
children
Use synonyms
 use it.
First
Linking Words
 of all, talking about the advantages, for parent’s it´s useful and easier having their
children
Use synonyms
 grabbed on
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 because they can do their life while their kids are distracted. Some
games
Use synonyms
 are educational and good for the mind. If they are used on restricted hours it can be positive for
children
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, most of the
children
Use synonyms
 spend a big part of their free time on
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and if they are not controlled it can be dangerous. Why is that? War
games
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 like call of duty are very aggressive and allow
children
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 to use guns and to feel stressed because it really
simulates
Wrong verb form
simulate
show examples
 war. Some of them are so
unto
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 world that they stop living in the real world, playing with
another
Replace the adjective
another child
other children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 in parks like they used to.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, sometimes they can´t differentiate the
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 and the
games
Use synonyms
, they can recreate the
video
Use synonyms
 game scenario and it can put other people in danger. It already
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
children
Use synonyms
killing
Wrong verb form
kill
show examples
 someone on the street like thinking
Correct your spelling
it
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is
Correct your spelling
it
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 was a game, they stop being aware of what is real and what is not. How could we control it? In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 it´s not necessary to banish
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 of our life´s
children
Use synonyms
 but parents should have the responsibility to protect their
children
Use synonyms
 by having restricted hours for them to play and interchange with other activities in
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
 air or playing other
games
Use synonyms
 that
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 involve technology.
Submitted by beatriz.ccottinellimc40 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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