IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
With the rapid development of the
food
 industry, many manufactured
food
 and drink
products
 that contain high levels of
sugar
 have entered
people
’s lives. I do not believe that increasing the
price
 of sugary
products
 is an appropriate way to encourage
people
 to lower their
sugar
 intake which some suggest may cause many
health
 problems. Many low and middle-income
people
 will undertake a higher living cost if sugary
products
 are made more expensive. Low and middle-income
people
 make up the vast majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Most of them usually rely on these manufactured foods as working meals because they do not have sufficient time to cook a meal or sit down to have delicious meals during the workday. The manufactured
food
 supports their most fundamental energy needs even though there is too much
sugar
 in it. Increasing the
price
 of sugary
products
 will stop
people
 who really require them to buy them at an affordable
price
 while the wealthy are not the target consumers of
such
products
. When talking about physical
health
, only considering how much
sugar
people
 consume is one-sided because the reason for
health
 problems is complex and comprehensive. Enough exercise, regular daily routine, and a good mood are all important contributors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
health
 that cannot be ignored.
As a result
, only increasing the
price
 of manufactured
food
 is an inconsiderate and unproductive simple and rude method. In summary, it is an ineffective policy to make sugary
products
 more expensive to urge
people
 to consume less
sugar
. Simply raising prices will make life more expensive for many groups, leaving the public complaining. I believe that encouraging
people
 to improve
health
 awareness and make a habit of healthy life are better alternatives. Meanwhile, companies can
also
 update
food
 industry technology to produce more healthy
food
.
Submitted by wangpr98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: