IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, more and more tourists re visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctica. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places.

It is true that there is an increasing tendency
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 visitors to visit those spots which they have already explored many times before.
This
Linking Words
 essay shall discuss two positive aspects
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 nature exploration and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in government concerns
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 two drawbacks
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 the threat to the environment and damage to the local habitat. On the one hand, there are a number of positives of visiting the far neighbourhood.
To begin
Linking Words
, the more individuals who visit
such
Linking Words
 a community, the more they will explore.
This
Linking Words
 will not only create a memory for them but
also
Linking Words
other
Verb problem
allow other
show examples
 individuals who can not reach those points because of financial constraints can enjoy the beauty of these lands.
For instance
Linking Words
,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
show examples
 many YouTubers explore these beautiful landmarks and make videos for their subscribers for the sake of entertainment.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is one of the best ways to bring the focus of authorities to
such
Linking Words
 areas. By doing
this
Linking Words
, authorities will try to improve facilities for foreigners to improve tourism for their country
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 tourism is the backbone of the economy undoubtedly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are various potential problems which must be addressed.
Firstly
Linking Words
, an increase in the number of individuals at any place is a threat to the local habitat. People catch animal species at
such
Linking Words
 places and try to sell them at a high cost.
This
Linking Words
 can definitely disturb the ecosystem of these areas. Another important issue is that people do not take care of natural beauty and throw garbage
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
which is a big threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 living species in that region.
For example
Linking Words
, an endangered polar bear in the Antarctic region died
last
Linking Words
 year
because
Change preposition
after
show examples
 of
engulfing
Wrong verb form
engulfed by
show examples
 a plastic bag.
Thus
Linking Words
, these are the negatives of gathering at
such
Linking Words
 areas
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 must be avoided.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay has discussed positive aspects like more people can enjoy the beauty and chances of improvement in tourism policies by concerned policymakers and negative ramifications
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 harmful impact on the living species of that region.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction sets the stage well, but try to clearly state the main points you will discuss. This helps guide the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to another. Use linking words like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' and 'finally' to help organize your thoughts.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Task Achievement
Make sure you explain the significance of your examples more clearly. This helps readers understand why the examples are relevant.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both benefits and disadvantages, which shows a balanced view on the topic.
Task Achievement
The use of examples, like the mention of YouTubers and the polar bear, adds interest to your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: