IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number,...) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #information #address #telephone #activities #networks #purposes #development
In modern society, social media
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, and e-commerce are widened to provide everything as much as possible during a complex situation because of Covid-19. It cannot avoid that people put their personal
information
 on these platforms. In my point of view, it would be dangerous for users if strangers or even cyber-criminals got users’
information
 for bad purposes. For a variety of reasons, it would be risky to show users intimate details about the
information
.
Firstly
, private accounts that people have signed up
such
 as banking account, phone numbers may be stolen by hackers. Thanks to the convenience and ease which the Internet and digital devices bring to human life, everything is no more difficult to get. More and more online services are produced to satisfy consumers, and everyone has to create an account to use these products.
This
 leads to stealing secret
information
 about buyers and losing the account. Strangers who have
this
information
 may take advantage of them to get money.
Moreover
, the rate of cyber-criminals could increase. Because of the pandemic so that they do not have a job, cannot afford daily life.
Consequently
, people tend to make an effort to steal money from others,
in particular
, they hack banking accounts and any type of accounts to gain their bad goal.
Submitted by msphuong1234 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal information
  • Online privacy
  • Security concerns
  • Identity theft
  • Enhanced connectivity
  • Convenient access
  • Social networks
  • Banking purposes
  • Positive development
  • Negative impact
What to do next:
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