IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #positions #government #idea
Many
people
 reckon that young
people
 are not appropriate for vital positions in the governmental sector, while others believe it is a good idea for them to hold these positions. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give out my opinion.
To begin
 with, advocates who support the
first
 view may cite the verdancy of the youth as the main reason why they can’t handle the work in government well. It is true that young
people
 tend to have a lack of experience, which sometimes puts them in struggles when dealing with governmental tasks.
Additionally
, working as a crucial member of government means that your decisions will affect the entire nation,
therefore
, the careless mistakes of young
people
 will cost that
country
 dearly. On the other side, I would argue that everyone would make a plethora of mistakes in their life, so why don’t give them a chance to perform their best?
Although
 young
people
 sometimes carelessly propose their absent-minded decisions, it can be clearly seen that they all have a new energy source, which is widely believed to rejuvenate that
country
 and catch up with the international trends.
In other words
, when young individuals hold a high position in the governmental sector, they can build up a new appearance of that
country
 in order not to be obsolete with the modern era. In conclusion, despite the fact that young
people
 are inexperienced, they hold a multitude of incredible ideas that can flourish a
country
.
Submitted by leanhvan03052005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: