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Band 5.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
These days, the regime spends a large part of its budget not only on public
services
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
the
Change preposition
on the
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arts
.
Although
 I agree that it is important to spend
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 on public
services
, I do not think spending on the
arts
 is a waste of wealth. There are several reasons for spending a significant amount of the government budget on public
services
.
First
 and foremost, public
services
 are the things
such
 as hospitals, roads and schools, and these things determine the quality of life that most of us will have.
For example
, if the law does not spend enough
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 on hospitals, the health of our society may decline.
Similarly
, if not enough payment is spent on schools, our children may not be properly educated.
Also
, it will be the poor in our society that will be affected more if we do not spend enough on these things because they are the ones more dependent on
such
services
.
However
,
this
 does not mean that the
arts
 should be completely neglected.
To begin
, it is difficult for many
arts
 institutions to generate much profit, so without some help from the power, many theatres and other
such
 places may have to close.
Moreover
, the
arts
also
 have an important impact on our quality of life. Many people get great pleasure in going to see music and theatre performances so it is important that the authority assists
such
 institutions so that they can continue to provide entertainment to the public. To sum up, there are clear benefits of ensuring a large amount of investment goes into public
services
 as
this
 influences the quality of life for nearly all of us. That said, I do not believe spending
fund
 on the
arts
 is a waste of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 as
this
 too provides important benefits.
Submitted by krishnapriyaoct16 on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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