IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. How far do you agree with this statement?

#people #time #activities #music #theatre #sport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is said that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should get involved in the cultural activities,
for example
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
 much more than current,
also
Linking Words
 reduce the
time
Use synonyms
 on the
sport
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I roughly endorse
this
Linking Words
 statement for some reasons. As we know, both ancient eras and present,
music
Use synonyms
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
 always play an indispensable part of life for a large of generation.
People
Use synonyms
 sing and make fun after work, or some
people
Use synonyms
 in communities perform a play to connect individuals. Nowadays, the age of overusing technology in
teenagers
Use synonyms
, which caused many social issues, and the isolating of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 from the community is a typical example. So, spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on
music
Use synonyms
 or
theatre
Use synonyms
, which can arouse a lot of feelings from
people
Use synonyms
 in different cultural backgrounds, may help teenager gets on well with other
people
Use synonyms
, m
ore
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
open-mined, and more suitable for the new eras of human.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we need to take the
sport
Use synonyms
 into account. We all know that
sport
Use synonyms
 is the activity advised by health experts to maintain to have a perfect body. Even in hospitals, patients who are disabled
also
Linking Words
 have to get physical therapy to be more flexible.
This
Linking Words
 is more important for young
people
Use synonyms
 who almost spend
time
Use synonyms
 on studying, which put t
hey
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
on a chair for a long
time
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 they utilize a rare remaining
time
Use synonyms
 on the social network.
Hence
Linking Words
, there are many justifications
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should do
sport
Use synonyms
 constantly, even rising, not reducing. From the points enlisted above, I think
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 on the cultural passion
such
Linking Words
 as
music
Use synonyms
 and
theatre
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 maintain their
time
Use synonyms
 for the
sport
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fostering creativity
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Enhance social skills
  • Promote cultural understanding
  • Overemphasis on sports
  • Risk of physical injury
  • One-dimensional view
  • Personal achievement
  • Balance
  • Cultural enrichment
  • Broad skills
  • Perspectives gained
What to do next:
Look at other essays: