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Writing Samples
Band 4

''In recent decades, playing computer games has become a popular activity for children of all ages. Many people claim that this hobby offers few benefits beyond entertainment or relaxation and may, in fact, be harmful to a child’s development. Do you agree with this statement? ''

#decades #computer #games #activity #children #ages #people #hobby #entertainment #relaxation #fact #child’s #development
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In the modern world nowadays,
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 greatly become popular all over the world, especially for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
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. While many
people
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 don'
t
Use synonyms
 think
this
Linking Words
 sort of entertainment could bring any
beneficials
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to the young generations and some thinks that violent
games
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 could be harmful to a child's development. But overall
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 don'
t
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 agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Throwback to the old times when none of us have the access to
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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 or
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 children usually spend their time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching televisions or
read
Wrong verb form
reading
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 a book and even hanging out with their peers. Since now after few decades passed
people
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's entertainment has changed, everything become more
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
 and less traditional but it doesn'
t
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 mean it's a bad thing.
People
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who's
Change the verb form
who are
who have
show examples
 grew up in recent decades they attracted to
computer
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games
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 more than other entertainment activities because it's more enjoyable for them,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 for children cause at
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young age they can learn much more than just a game. They can learn plenty of skills from the game
such
Linking Words
 as problem-solving, teamwork, or even strategic skills. But in many cases, there's always a good and a bad as long as they're under parent's observation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because I believe that parents are taking the most important role that can control and choose the right content of
games
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 for their child. Playing
games
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 is
also
Linking Words
 helps a child to grow healthier. Parents can'
t
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 always control their kids especially
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they meet in school, if we allowed kids to play
computer
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games
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 or video
games
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 their mindset will change when it comes to making new friends, they will choose a healthier group of friends to hang out and play video
games
Use synonyms
 together after school rather than being with their bad peers by smoking cigarettes or doing drugs at a young age. But it is said that
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 or video
games
Use synonyms
 could be addictive to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages from which they get distracted and ignore important things in their life.
However
Linking Words
, I believe the benefits of
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 bring to us outweigh the drawbacks. Online
games
Use synonyms
 themselves are not harmful,
thus
Linking Words
 how they are used within control to make the best use is the most important.
Submitted by wakeywakeydani on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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