Art is considered an essential part of cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?

Scientific or technological issues could indeed seem more useful compared to art. Nowadays, artistic disciplines have less value even if it is considered an essential part of cultures throughout the world. It is questioned what could be done to make a person have more enthusiasm in those matters. In my opinion, creativity and imagination are as important as a scientific topic because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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us desenvolve a different part of our brain. First of all, I think the principal reason for
this
to happen is the necessity of feeling secure.
This
security could be achieved with a good career
such
as being
a
Change the article
apply
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lower, a doctor, a scientist, or an economist.
Moreover
, it is believed that these kinds of jobs will bring more profits to our lives than wasting time going to galleries and exhibitions.
Additionally
, most adults are addicted to their work and have less time to spend outside. With the free time they have, they prefer being among their children and family.
Nevertheless
, some improvements could be
done
Verb problem
made
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to stimulate
this
interest.
For example
, if museums were free, young people
will
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would
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certainly go much more.
Likewise
, teachers and parents should let them be creative when they are kids and, even
so
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so,
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as grown-ups, they should educate them more about the arts and the cultural activities they could go to. To summarize, it is natural to prioritize and make decisions in our lives but being professionally accomplished is not incompatible with having a concern in the arts. The majority of society
live
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lives
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to
Change preposition
on
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the money they receive
at the end
of the month, even if it is poor. They usually have more important things to care about than being more cult. The government could help the artists to encourage society to give more importance to the Arts.
Submitted by beatriz.ccottinellimc40 on

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coherence cohesion
In the introduction, the writer adequately presents the topic and introduces their opinion. However, the body paragraphs lack clear development of ideas and examples to support the main points. The conclusion is brief and does not effectively summarize the essay.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the questions in the prompt. It discusses reasons why people prioritize science, technology, and business over art, and suggests some ways to increase interest in the arts. However, the arguments lack depth and specific details. It would be beneficial to provide more well-developed examples and expand on each point to improve the task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Economic growth
  • STEM subjects
  • Job security
  • Financial success
  • Pragmatic
  • Utilitarian pursuits
  • Art education
  • Inclusive
  • Engaging
  • Contemporary society
  • Social issues
  • Environmental themes
  • Digital platforms
  • Virtual museums
  • Interactive art
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