Art is considered an essential part of cultures throughout the world. However, these days fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business. Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interest in the arts?
Scientific or technological issues could indeed seem more useful compared to art. Nowadays, artistic disciplines have less value even if it is considered an essential part of cultures throughout the world. It is questioned what could be done to make a person have more enthusiasm in those matters. In my opinion, creativity and imagination are as important as a scientific topic because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
helps
us desenvolve a different part of our brain.
First of all, I think the principal reason for Correct subject-verb agreement
help
this
to happen is the necessity of feeling secure. This
security could be achieved with a good career such
as being a
lower, a doctor, a scientist, or an economist. Change the article
apply
Moreover
, it is believed that these kinds of jobs will bring more profits to our lives than wasting time going to galleries and exhibitions. Additionally
, most adults are addicted to their work and have less time to spend outside. With the free time they have, they prefer being among their children and family.
Nevertheless
, some improvements could be done
to stimulate Verb problem
made
this
interest. For example
, if museums were free, young people will
certainly go much more. Wrong verb form
would
Likewise
, teachers and parents should let them be creative when they are kids and, even so
as grown-ups, they should educate them more about the arts and the cultural activities they could go to.
To summarize, it is natural to prioritize and make decisions in our lives but being professionally accomplished is not incompatible with having a concern in the arts. The majority of society Add a comma
so,
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
to
the money they receive Change preposition
on
at the end
of the month, even if it is poor. They usually have more important things to care about than being more cult. The government could help the artists to encourage society to give more importance to the Arts.Submitted by beatriz.ccottinellimc40 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
In the introduction, the writer adequately presents the topic and introduces their opinion. However, the body paragraphs lack clear development of ideas and examples to support the main points. The conclusion is brief and does not effectively summarize the essay.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the questions in the prompt. It discusses reasons why people prioritize science, technology, and business over art, and suggests some ways to increase interest in the arts. However, the arguments lack depth and specific details. It would be beneficial to provide more well-developed examples and expand on each point to improve the task response.
