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Band 5.5

Some people believe that violence in computer games, has a damaging effect on the young generation. Others deny that this has any significant influence on their behavior. What is your opinion on this?

#people #violence #computer #games #effect #generation #influence #behavior
Certain parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society tend to
thinks
Wrong verb form
think
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 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some dangerous activities in
computer
games
 may have
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
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disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 on
children
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
behavior
 and attitudes . But, others
Change the verb form
do
did
show examples
not agree with them.
Computer
games
 can create
children
 attitudes towards others In a bad way
while
Correct word choice
apply
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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they may try to win their demand
on
Change preposition
at
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 any price .
Hence
, I agree with the statement of
violence
Replace the word
violent
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computer
games
 may
has
Change the verb form
have
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 a damaging effect on
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.
To begin
 with , playing
computer
games
 with activities like killing , beating and racing can change young
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to hate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. They may not learn about the value of love to each other and build
good
Add an article
a good
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 with others.
For example
 ,
Correct your spelling
recent
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resent
Correct your spelling
recent
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 study done at Oxford University showed most young criminals in London had
Add a missing verb
been
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addicted
for
Change preposition
to
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 violent PC
games
 as
children
 .
In addition
 to that , addiction to some violent
computer
games
 may create a demanding
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 in
children
 .They may
demanding
Change the verb form
demand
be demanding
show examples
 from their parents , siblings and friends in a
such
Correct your spelling
way
show examples
away
Correct your spelling
a way
show examples
 they may get disturbed .
For instance
, one farther in America had sued a PC game company claiming that his young son
demanding
Wrong verb form
demanded
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 more money to purchase a new
computer
 since
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 one
not
Add a missing verb
did not
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supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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the new version of the game that the company had launched recently . He claimed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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whole
Add an article
the whole
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 reason for his child’s disturbing
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is
this
computer
 game and PC company should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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responsibility . In conclusion ,
computer
games
 with violence and anger can change young
one’
Fix the agreement mistake
ones’
show examples
 s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 towards the community in a bad way while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
they may create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disturbing and demanding
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
behavior
 towards their loved ones . As
such
 ,
this
 writer is in total agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the notion that
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
computer
games
 may
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a damaging effect on
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation.
Submitted by mngldissanayaka on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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