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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, parents want their children to focus on their studies only. Because of this, many young people do not get their first job until after college. In other countries, many children get their first part-time job while still in high school. Which approach do you think is better? Why?

Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 there is a growing concern over the age
of starting
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at which to start
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 a job. Having temporary work
besides
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 studying during
teen
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the teenage
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ages
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years
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 is being viewed as
a
Correct article usage
the
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 norm in some cultures,
while
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 it is not acceptable for others.
Although
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 I have come from the latter society, I believe the former way of nurturing has brought those countries more benefits. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages of both views
which
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, which
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is proceeding
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will provide
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with
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apply
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a rationale for my opinion. On the one hand,
involving
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being involved
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 in society with a part-time position
deduced
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has
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various
conductive
Use the right word
conducive
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 consequences for youngsters.
Firstly
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, by being part of society from an early age, we are being trained to efficiently struggle with the drawbacks of our future careers.
In addition
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, striving to make a balance between our occupation's commitments and our education forces us to be aware of the importance of time
managing
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management
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which
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, which
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 plays a vital role in being a successful resident.
Moreover
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, it is not only the best but
also
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 the easiest way of finding our
interest
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interests
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 and fostering our skills.
For instance
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, my father found his passion in cooking and
follow
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followed
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 it to become a well-known chef after spending one summer doing the dishes in a kitchen.
On the other hand
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, staying at home
educating
Wrong verb form
to educate
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 might be preferable for parents to spending time earning pocket money. Two reasons
are existing
Wrong verb form
exist
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 behind
this
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 attitude.
First,
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the role of education in having a favoured career is out of the question. In some
,
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apply
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countries
students
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, students
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 do not have enough free time to focus on other activities.
For example
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, in Iran
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, for
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for entering
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to enter
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 universities, you need to pass an entrance exam
which
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, which
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 requires a full year of overwhelming education.
Secondly
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, teenagers are at a greater risk of being exploited,
hence
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 parents believe
by
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that by
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 letting their children work in a not
familiar
Use the right word
unfamiliar
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 environment, they are not only putting them in
a
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apply
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danger but
also
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 taking
their
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away their
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 chance to succeed. I am not completely in agreement with the above-said view, because it suffers from the disadvantage that puts students in a way which
ended
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leads
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in being graduated
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to graduation
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 from fields that they are not really interested in, like medicine.
To sum up
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,
nevertheless
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 there are undoubtedly some difficulties with working from an early age, it has brought the countries
where
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that
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 have been persuading their children to do
such
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 a thing, more enthusiastic and happier workers. I agree that providing a safe working environment for teens can help societies to glow.

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task response
Improve task response by giving a clear answer on which plan is better and keep to that choice in the essay.
coherence
Work on coherence by using clear topic sentences and a simple flow of ideas.
language accuracy
Use simple words and fix word form and grammar errors.
examples
Add more small, real examples to back your points.
editing
Check spelling and punctuation to avoid easy mistakes.
content
There is an effort to compare the two views.
example
A real life example is used to show a point.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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