Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

Technology is the main factor which going to determines how

world

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the world

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has to function and connects with each other thing. We can figure out that

today

a

lot

of

teenage

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teenagers

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spend several

time

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times

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in a day just

to play

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playing

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the

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apply

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games

or

entertain

Wrong verb form

entertaining

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themselves through computer devices.

Therefore

I am strongly agreed that

today

's

teenage

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teenagers

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highly

depend

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depends

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on computers or other electronic devices to

entertainment

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entertain

show examples

them self

Correct your spelling

themself

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.

This

kind of new norm starts to

creates

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create

show examples

a

lot

of

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

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in near future.

Therefore

it is better to encourage

teenage

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teenagers

show examples

Change preposition

to paly

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paly

Correct your spelling

play

show examples

games

in

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apply

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outside, because of the following reasons. When

children

start to go outside and get

involve

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involved

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in playing

games

like cricket or football,

it's help

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it helps

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to develop

children

mental strength through the

development

of physical

development

.By playing in outside areas where

children

body

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bodies

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start

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starts

show examples

to move

in

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on

show examples

par with the game movement. For

an

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apply

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example

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,example

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children

start to run faster to get the ball or stop the ball just before passing the boundary line.where

this

sort of

movements

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movement

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starts to give a

healthly

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healthy

generation for

upcoming

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the upcoming

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period.

Moreover

when playing outside areas

chidren

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children

have to talk or involve with other

similiar

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similar

age friends where

this

create

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creates

show examples

a

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an

show examples

actual social relationship.

Moreover

,

children

can get out of their

loneliness

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lonely

show examples

life.According to the

the

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apply

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recent research paper released by

University

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the University

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of Wales, indicate that "

Today

7

children

out of 10 spend their times within their room just by playing the

games

or

entertainment

Replace the word

entertain

show examples

themselves along by using

this

kind of computer device.

However

,

development

Correct article usage

the development

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of

technolgy

Correct your spelling

technology

reflects through computers or

the

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apply

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well developed

Add a hyphen

well-developed

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devices where compare to

eldery

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elderly

people current

teenage

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teenagers

show examples

are become

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become

have become

show examples

more capable of

Correct your spelling

handling

show examples

handing

Correct your spelling

handling

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the current context things more

effectivley

Correct your spelling

effectively

and efficiently and

children

brains start to handle multiple things at

a

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the

show examples

same time by focusing on different things. In conclusion, I concluded that technology starts to run the world where each

elements

Change to a singular noun

element

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start to change

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in line

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inline

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in line

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with it.

Development

of gaming and entertainment facilities by computer or other

electonic

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electronic

device is

a

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apply

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one example of it.

However

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,However

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we can observe that

today

's

teenage

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teenagers

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start to spend a

lot

of hours in a day

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

palying

Correct your spelling

playing

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

in

Correct your spelling

is

show examples

lonely

Replace the word

loneliness

show examples

or inside the house.

However

this

kind of new norm cripplying the

children

health ( mental and physical) and create a

longly

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long

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life for them.

However

Add a comma

,However

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these

children

are become

Change to the active voice

become

have become

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more efficient compare to

old

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the old

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generation.

Palying

Correct your spelling

Playing

Paying

games

inside the house going to create a

lot

of hardships for

children

, their families and

finally

society through

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

unhealthly

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an unhealthly

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generation

Add the comma(s)

, therefore,

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therefore

government and relevant parities either teachers or parents

start

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tostart

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encourage their student or

children

spend time outside their home which will

going

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go

be going

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to

produces

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produce

show examples

more benefit for them. Thank you