Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #computers #entertainment #time #sports #games

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Technology is the main factor which going to determines how

world

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the world

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has to function and connects with each other thing. We can figure out that

today

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lot

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teenage

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teenagers

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spend several

time

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times

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in a day just

to play

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playing

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

games

Use synonyms

entertain

Wrong verb form

entertaining

show examples

themselves through computer devices.

Therefore

Linking Words

I am strongly agreed that

today

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teenage

Replace the word

teenagers

show examples

highly

depend

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depends

show examples

on computers or other electronic devices to

entertainment

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entertain

show examples

them self

Correct your spelling

themself

show examples

This

Linking Words

kind of new norm starts to

creates

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create

show examples

lot

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problem

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problems

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in near future.

Therefore

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it is better to encourage

teenage

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teenagers

show examples

Change preposition

to paly

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paly

Correct your spelling

play

show examples

games

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

outside, because of the following reasons. When

children

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start to go outside and get

involve

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involved

show examples

in playing

games

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like cricket or football,

it's help

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it helps

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to develop

children

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mental strength through the

development

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of physical

development

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.By playing in outside areas where

children

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body

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bodies

show examples

start

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starts

show examples

to move

Change preposition

show examples

par with the game movement. For

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

children

Use synonyms

start to run faster to get the ball or stop the ball just before passing the boundary line.where

this

Linking Words

sort of

movements

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movement

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starts to give a

healthly

Correct your spelling

healthy

generation for

upcoming

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the upcoming

show examples

period.

Moreover

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when playing outside areas

chidren

Correct your spelling

children

have to talk or involve with other

similiar

Correct your spelling

similar

age friends where

this

Linking Words

create

Change the verb form

creates

show examples

Change the article

show examples

actual social relationship.

Moreover

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children

Use synonyms

can get out of their

loneliness

Replace the word

lonely

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life.According to the

the

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

recent research paper released by

University

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the University

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of Wales, indicate that "

Today

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children

Use synonyms

out of 10 spend their times within their room just by playing the

games

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entertainment

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entertain

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themselves along by using

this

Linking Words

kind of computer device.

However

Linking Words

Use synonyms

development

Correct article usage

the development

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technolgy

Correct your spelling

technology

reflects through computers or

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

well developed

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well-developed

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devices where compare to

eldery

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elderly

people current

teenage

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teenagers

show examples

are become

Change to the active voice

become

have become

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more capable of

Correct your spelling

handling

show examples

handing

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handling

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the current context things more

effectivley

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effectively

and efficiently and

children

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brains start to handle multiple things at

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the

show examples

same time by focusing on different things. In conclusion, I concluded that technology starts to run the world where each

elements

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element

show examples

start to change

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in line

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inline

Correct your spelling

in line

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with it.

Development

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of gaming and entertainment facilities by computer or other

electonic

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electronic

device is

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apply

show examples

one example of it.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

,However

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we can observe that

today

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teenage

Replace the word

teenagers

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start to spend a

lot

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of hours in a day

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

palying

Correct your spelling

playing

game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

lonely

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loneliness

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or inside the house.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

kind of new norm cripplying the

children

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health ( mental and physical) and create a

longly

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long

show examples

life for them.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

,However

show examples

these

children

Use synonyms

are become

Change to the active voice

become

have become

show examples

more efficient compare to

old

Add an article

the old

show examples

generation.

Palying

Correct your spelling

Playing

Paying

games

Use synonyms

inside the house going to create a

lot

Use synonyms

of hardships for

children

Use synonyms

, their families and

finally

Linking Words

society through

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

unhealthly

Correct article usage

an unhealthly

show examples

generation

Add the comma(s)

, therefore,

show examples

therefore

Linking Words

government and relevant parities either teachers or parents

start

Add the particle

tostart

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encourage their student or

children

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spend time outside their home which will

going

Change the verb form

be going

show examples

produces

Change the verb

produce

show examples

more benefit for them. Thank you

Submitted by y.jena2 on Mon Jan 17 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
68
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

443 words

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Children today are too dependent on computers and electronic entertainment. It would be better to encourage them to spend more time outside playing sports and games. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today, many people don't know their neighbours in large city What problems does this cause what can be done about this

Traditions are about the past and innovation is about the future, and it has been argued that we need to let go of traditions for the sake of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this? What role should traditions have in our lives?