IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #families #care #homes #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, It is becoming popular the trend that a number of elderly people are not being taken
care
Use synonyms
 of by their families
instead
Linking Words
 relatives prefer to do arrangements in old age homes for their
care
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate the pros and cons of keeping them in senior
citizen's
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens'
show examples
 shelter houses over taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their beloved ones at their home.
To begin
Linking Words
 with positive, It has crucial benefits that nursing homes are equipped with advanced technology so that people can live comfortably. Most people suffer from leg movement, knee pain etc. escalator and the presence of
wheelchair
Correct article usage
a wheelchair
show examples
 support them. Even the presence of trained nurses can nurture them very well since they are
professionally
Change the adverb
professional
show examples
 experts for
this
Linking Words
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, families member's doesn't have free time so they are not capable to take accountability for their parents all time.
Besides
Linking Words
 facilitating with advanced technology and skilled nurses and
also
Linking Words
 provide surrounding in which they can enjoy very well due to same age. Adapting to
such
Linking Words
 situations
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 tough they share their feeling and listen to others.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, It has too many advantages but
also
Linking Words
 has some problems trained
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 doesn't
care
Use synonyms
 about the feeling and
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
 of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 since they don't have any emotional relation. They just do their work and are not ready for listening to their problems and experiences. Sometimes feel very depressed due to loneliness,
this
Linking Words
 can put an impact on their mind and there may be the probability that if they are suffering from some normal disease cannot be cured. A healthy environment cannot be maintained without family emotion and attachment. In conclusion,
ALthough
Linking Words
 old age
orphanage
Fix the agreement mistake
orphanages
show examples
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 technology for comfort , professional for best
care
Use synonyms
, It is important to consider that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 so they must be in their families .
This
Linking Words
 is because emotional attachment and bonding is a real boon for their relatives.
Submitted by rk.universalpandey on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional care
  • Medical attention
  • Trained staff
  • Social interaction
  • Combat loneliness
  • Safety and security
  • Relief for families
  • Loss of autonomy
  • Emotional impact
  • Cost
  • Financial strain
  • Quality of care
  • Neglect and abuse
  • Detachment from family
  • Mental wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: