IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people do not mind to spend their leisure time with their colleagues while some people prefer to keep their private life separate from their work life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Although
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 some
people
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 believe
work
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-
life
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 should be separate from personal
life
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;
however
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, others think
that is
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 it crucial to spend leisure
time
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 with family. Personally, I would prefer to spend my free
time
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 with my family. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. There are several advantages to spending free
time
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 with families, especially parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because our parents cannot live with us forever.
While
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 we are free, we should spend as much
time
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 as we can to accompany them, the same as they accompanied us when we were children.
Furthermore
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, professional
life
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 is so stressful, 5 to 6 days a week, at least 8 hours a day at
work
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, and seeing the same
people
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 talk about the same topic every day.
Thus
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, to away from a career, to enjoy some free
time
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 with a loved one could refresh our mindset for the next
day
Change noun form
day's
show examples
work
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.
On the other hand
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, spending
time
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 with co-workers can make professional
life
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 easier,
such
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 as knowing a
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 ability can ensure, they can handle the job task.
Also
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, free
time
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 is not only for fun, sometimes it can discuss
work
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while
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 they are having a beer in the pub.
Moreover
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, some foreigners are living alone and they have no other friends.
Thus
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, if they could have some leisure
time
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 with their workmate it might help them with the loneliness. In summary, some
people
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 think is it important to spend
time
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 with their families, especially
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
elderly
families member
Fix the agreement mistake
family members
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;
however
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, other folks say they do not mind spending free
time
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 with workmates as they can know other
people
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 well it will be good for the
work
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 task. In my opinion, I prefer to separate
work
Use synonyms
life
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 and private
life
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, because I spend most of
the
Change the word
my
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
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. If I could have free
time
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 my family
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 come first.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the given topic. Develop each main point with detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use linking words and transitional phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that the logical order of your points is clear and that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
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