Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

The Olympic
games
are held every four years
where
Correct word choice
and
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people
around the world are able to participate.
Nevertheless
, some
people
might argue that these events are of no importance and the
money
invested in hosting these activities could be used for other alarming issues. In my opinion, the Olympic
games
are quite expensive to prepare for but are beneficial for the
country
organising them. The main reason for holding the Olympic tournaments is to attract visitors and players from all around the world.
This
benefits the
country
because its financial status will increase.
For instance
, the government makes more profits
while
selling tickets for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tournaments worldwide.
This
will be boosting up the
economical
Replace the word
economic
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status of the
country
on a larger scale compared to the amount of
money
that has been spent on the preparations.
Hence
, the population will enjoy a high living standard. Some
people
,
on the other hand
, believe that these events are very costly to afford. They prefer to use their
money
effectively and efficiently.
For example
, in under-developing countries where
people
have to struggle for a living might find it irresponsible if the government invest in these
games
rather than providing them with a better quality of life. More concerning issues
such
as poverty or malnutrition could have been alleviated if the
money
is
Wrong verb form
had been
show examples
injected into the economy and
helping
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
out the poor. In conclusion,
Correct article usage
the Olympics
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Olympics
Correct your spelling
Olympic
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games
do benefit a
country
that has the means of hosting them. I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
that
this
has a positive impact on the tourism industry.
However
, the government should not solely rely on these events to maintain a good living standard.
Submitted by vani950313 on

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task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the importance of the Olympic games, however, more depth and analysis could be included to fully explore the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay. To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance the flow of ideas.
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