IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some Vinhomes areas, fast food, prepared meals, and sugary drinks are now sold in more shops and at lower prices than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#vinhomes #areas #food #meals #drinks #shops #prices #development
These days fast
food
 get popular among people. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stores
Add an article
the stores
show examples
 sell them at a reasonable price- at lower prices in the past. In my opinion, fast
foods
, prepared meals and sugary drinks have the potential to damage
health
 are greater than the benefits that we receive to eat them. On the one hand, the are
somw
Correct your spelling
some
 benefits to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 fast
food
.
Firstly
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 prepares quickly so
instead
 of spending a lot of time making
food
 in the kitchen like in the past.
For example
, we may be more productive in the workplace because thinking about what should we make for lunch, dinner distract our energy from focusing on work to other things.
Secondly
,
fast
Add an article
the fast
show examples
food
 industry is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the biggest entrepreneurs in the world. Millions of people are working in
this
 industry and
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 money.
As a result
, fast
food
 has advantages that we shouldn't ignore.
On the other hand
, there are several reasons why fast
foods
, prepared meals and sugary drinks are harmful to our
health
.
Firstly
, they have full of fat and
carolies
Correct your spelling
carolers
, so they often
cause
 of gaining weight.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one Macdonald's cheeseburger has about 600- kilocalories
fat
Change preposition
of fat
show examples
that is
 too high in fronts of healthy
food
 like salad or fruits.
Additionally
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
Add an article
the fast
show examples
food
 has a high salt that
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 high blood pressure. High fat in fast
foods
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a
cause
 of high
cholesterone
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 in
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 that can
cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heart attack.
As a result
,
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 problem is more important than other aspects of fast
food
 advantages In conclusion, while fast
foods
, prepared meals and sugary drinks have an advantage especially for
entepreneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their damages are more effective in our
health
.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: