IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Large businesses have big budgets for marketing and production and as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products. What problems do this cause? What could be done to encourage people buy local products?

#businesses #budgets #production #people #gravitate #products
Advertising and huge production of
products
 are easily affordable for multimillion organizations because they have hefty budgets.
Consequently
,
people
 show
inclination
Add an article
an inclination
show examples
 towards purchasing their goods.
This
 causes two main
problems
, closure of small
businesses
 and unemployment.
People
 can be encouraged to buy local
products
 by making them aware of national economical benefits associated with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Moreover
, patrons can subsidize local
businesses
 for the welfare of
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 nation. Big corporations have resulted in the downfall of local
businesses
. Huge
businesses
 offer a variety of goods and adverts to motivate consumers to increase their sales.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
 results in severe competition and
people
 spend more on branded items. As a consequence, decreased sales obliged small
businesses
 to close their outlets.
Secondly
, when local
businesses
 do not flourish, some workers have to face redundancies. Finding a new job becomes a daunting task for everyone.
Consequently
, local
people
 suffer from unemployment. The important measure to solve these
problems
 is awareness.
Public
Add an article
The public
show examples
 can be made aware that if they increase their spending on local
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
, they are not only promoting small
businesses
 but
also
 contributing
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 economy.
This
 will be beneficial for the whole nation in the long run. Another significant way of solving these
problems
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial aid from
Add an article
a philanthropist
show examples
philanthropist
Fix the agreement mistake
philanthropists
show examples
. They can subsidize small corporations in increasing advertisement and improving
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 and quality of their
products
.
Therefore
,
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 can progress in boosting their income. In conclusion, owing to massive financial resources, large organizations can support
marketing
Correct article usage
the marketing
show examples
 and production of their
products
 which increases their sales. The
problems
 of breakdown of local
businesses
 and lack of jobs for
people
 (which arise as a consequence) can be dealt
with
Change preposition
with with
show examples
 public awareness and support from philanthropists.
Submitted by tubashaukat93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: