Government investment in the art such as music and theatre is a waste of money. Goverment must invest this money in the public services instead. Do you agree or disagree ?

It's argued that
government
investment in cultural purposes is a waste of
money
.
Instead
of that administrations should invest funds in public
services
. I strongly object
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
mentioned above because culture is
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
for
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
health of the citizens but
also
develops the economy.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
I believe that it is crucial for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
to invest
money
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
services
. It has a big impact on our everyday life and how we prosper inside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Nowadays, We tend to spend less time around people. Due to the pandemic
situation
Add a comma
,situation
show examples
we have been locked inside our households and advised to stay at home. During
this
time many of us found that lack of public life could escalate in many mental health issues
such
as depression or anxiety. It is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
show examples
known idea that we've been created as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
to have a chance to experience others and to create various communities. Without
it
Add a comma
,it
show examples
we start to feel less confident and more depressed. With that in
mind
Add a comma
,mind
show examples
the best way to obey psychological issues is to attend
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different
evenets
Correct your spelling
events
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
my friend Dereck used to be very depressed due to lock-down. Afterwards, when the restrictions has ended, he started to join many events
such
as art society where he has met many people in common. I was so impressed how he
Correct your spelling
overcomes
overcome
overcomed
Correct your spelling
overcame
show examples
his mental issues without any
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medicants or health
services
.
Secondly
, investing
money
in culture by the
government
is very important to develop the national economy.
This
is because it helps the local investors to create more events which are
basiclly
Correct your spelling
basically
running the city life and attracting the tourists from different countries.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
if I don't have a chance to see the live show of William Basinski in Ireland I would go to see that event in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
which means more
money
left for the country where the event was placed at. I
also
believe that
government
should invest
money
in public
services
.
This
is because
services
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
police or emergency medical
services
are providing safety and creating our world more accessible and secure to live in.
For example
in our modern world without proper police security and
development
Add a comma
,development
show examples
we are in danger of
terrorists
Change the noun form
terrorist
show examples
attacks
such
as happened in Paris or in New York on 9/11. Where two planes hit World Trade Centre towers killing nearly 3000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizens. In conclusion, I would like to disagree with the statement that cultural investments are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
waste of funds because the culture helps people to face their own mental demons.
However
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
public
services
should be one of the main
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
to invest governmental
money
in to provide major security for the citizens.
Submitted by chris.wojcik94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: