Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #age #groups #information #websites #risks

In the current society, technology using become the most

importance

Replace the word

important

show examples

in each individual's life,

such

as social

media

,becoming increasingly popular among all

generation

Fix the agreement mistake

generations

show examples

however

, sharing personal information on social

media

websites

also

have risks. Overall, I intend to consider that the advantages of social

media

outweigh the disadvantages. Admittedly, Social

media

is one of the most important technology products that all

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

people

are using, especially among teenagers and

grown ups

Add a hyphen

grown-ups

show examples

For instance

, lot of apps,

such

as billboards,

people

can listen to music on the way to work or home for relaxing themselves, checking breaking news on the

first

second

from all over the world, publishing their own opinion or

their own arts product

Change to a genitive case

the product of their own art

show examples

for sharing with

people

on youtube or

instergram

Correct your spelling

Instagram

. Some of them even become popular through youtube or

instergrams

Correct your spelling

Instagram

benifiting

Correct your spelling

benefiting

both producers and viewers.

However

, there are

also

some risks among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social

media

people

are over-exploded themselves on

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

For example

, some hackers may use some

individual's

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals'

show examples

personal information to hack their bank account ,

consquently

Correct your spelling

consequently

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

will have

finical

Add an article

a finical

show examples

loss.

In addition

, if

people

shared some personal opinion but major viewers have different comments,they might risk internet bullying, hurting their family,

neverthless

Correct your spelling

nevertheless

, causing mental issues. To conclude,

though

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

there will be some risks while sharing personal information on social

media

. the trend in the current society is social

media

people

shall take care which they want to share on some social

communcation

Correct your spelling

communication

tools and they have to be mentally ready

what

Change preposition

for what

show examples

to do if they have to face different voices from social

media

Submitted by fenping.shen on Sun Jan 30 2022

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Social media is becoming increasingly popular among all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. How true is this statement? Are there any other parties that should be responsible for this?

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What measures can be done to address those problems?

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.