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Writing Samples
Band 5

The two tables below show statistics of workers of foreign and US birth in the United States last year. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two tables below show statistics of workers of foreign and US birth in the United States last year. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #tables #show #statistics #workers #birth #states #year #summaries #information #features #comparisons
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The below table highlights
Add an article
a
the
show examples
different
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
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 of the workforce in the US based on their origin over the past
Last
Linking Words
 year. The report consists of a total
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
 of the female and male teams. The First data shows the total figure of
an employed and unemployed teams
Correct the article-noun agreement
an employed and unemployed team
employed and unemployed teams
show examples
 of foreign origin
while
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 analysis was related to US nationality.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the table begins with data that provided the foreign employment status in the US
last
Linking Words
 year. The total figure of
workers
Use synonyms
 in the workforce was 24,357
while
Linking Words
 the majority of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 were dominated by males compared to females.
As a result
Linking Words
, the ratio of unemployment was higher in females
with
Change preposition
at
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 11.1%.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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predicted that the most participated
workers
Use synonyms
 were between the ages of 35-44 which
Also
Linking Words
 highlighted the lowest rate of 9.0 % of unemployment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 table analysis the figures for total
workers
Use synonyms
 of US nationality over the
last
Linking Words
 year. The total
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workforce was 129,533
workers
Use synonyms
, among the total personnel
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
67,610 was male and the remained
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 female. Male
workers
Use synonyms
 were higher in all the aspects including employed, unemployed and even the rate of percentage. The range of the ages of the
workers
Use synonyms
 was above the age of 16 years old,
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 the unemployment rate was more by 18.7%.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, second, while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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