IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmentsmust invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governmentsmust #services
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In recent years, Some people think that
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government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 spending on different fields of
art
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 is wasting of
money
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 and
theybelieve
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they believe
 that most should be spent on public
services
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.
Although
Linking Words
art
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 has become
important
Add an article
an important
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 part of the development
ofsociety
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of society
, In my opinion,
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government
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the government
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 should invest in more public
services
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. There are many factors, why
art
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 is so crucial and much
money
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 should be spent on it.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
art
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 can play a key role to develop
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a country
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country
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countries
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 and
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
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manytourists
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many tourists
 from different
part
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parts
show examples
 of the world.
This
Linking Words
, in
turn
Add the comma(s)
,turn
show examples
 may help to rise
budget
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the budget
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 of
country
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the country
a country
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
art
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 is considered
asa
Correct your spelling
as a
as
 history and culture of every society and if
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 does not care about it
this
Linking Words
 may
be
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because
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cause
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the cause
a cause
show examples
 of
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disappearance
disapperiance
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the disapperiance
show examples
ofit
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of it
profit
outfit
. So
government
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 should allocate some amount of
money
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 for different types of
art
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 all time. Despite the arguments above, I still believe that it is important that much amount of
money
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 should be
seperated
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separated
forpublic
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for public
public
services
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instead
Linking Words
 of
art
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.
First
Linking Words
 of all, public
services
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 are our hospitals, roads and schools, and they
determinequality
Correct your spelling
determine quality
 of life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
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government
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the government
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 doesn’t provide local people with satisfactory public service, people
neverintrested
Correct your spelling
never interested
 in
art
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 and other social things. In conclusion,
Although
Linking Words
art
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 is always considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important aspect of every culture,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
spendmuch
Correct your spelling
spend much
money
Use synonyms
 on public
services
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by icemarat6 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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