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Band 2.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governmentsmust invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governmentsmust #services
In recent years, Some people think that
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 spending on different fields of
art
 is wasting of
money
 and
theybelieve
Correct your spelling
they believe
 that most should be spent on public
services
.
Although
art
 has become
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 part of the development
ofsociety
Correct your spelling
of society
, In my opinion,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should invest in more public
services
. There are many factors, why
art
 is so crucial and much
money
 should be spent on it.
Firstly
,
art
 can play a key role to develop
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 and
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
show examples
manytourists
Correct your spelling
many tourists
 from different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world.
This
, in
turn
Add the comma(s)
,turn
show examples
 may help to rise
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Secondly
,
art
 is considered
asa
Correct your spelling
as a
as
 history and culture of every society and if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 does not care about it
this
 may
be
Correct your spelling
because
show examples
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of
Correct your spelling
disappearance
disapperiance
Correct article usage
the disapperiance
show examples
ofit
Correct your spelling
of it
profit
outfit
. So
government
 should allocate some amount of
money
 for different types of
art
 all time. Despite the arguments above, I still believe that it is important that much amount of
money
 should be
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
forpublic
Correct your spelling
for public
public
services
instead
 of
art
.
First
 of all, public
services
 are our hospitals, roads and schools, and they
determinequality
Correct your spelling
determine quality
 of life.
Moreover
, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 doesn’t provide local people with satisfactory public service, people
neverintrested
Correct your spelling
never interested
 in
art
 and other social things. In conclusion,
Although
art
 is always considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important aspect of every culture,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
spendmuch
Correct your spelling
spend much
money
 on public
services
.
Submitted by icemarat6 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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