IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
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Children
Use synonyms
 are the future of our country. In some nations, they are not as healthy as
thet
Correct your spelling
they
that
 will be. Some individuals believe that it is the duty of the government to find
solution
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a solution
the solution
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 problem. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I explain
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some of
views
Correct pronoun usage
my views
show examples
 in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs. As we all know that pupils are not taking healthy diets in these modern days. They eat a lot of junk
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of green or fresh vegetables at home.
Also
Linking Words
 what they eat from
market
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the market
show examples
 is not good for their
health
Use synonyms
 which
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 their unwanted weight and makes
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 unhealthy.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
Children
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's do not have enough knowledge about what is good for their
health
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. It is the responsibility of their parents to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 them
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
Use synonyms
.They have to give them excess knowledge about different types of
food
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 which makes them healthy and fit. Parents or family members know more about their
children
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 so they can improve their
children
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's habit of eating as they want. They can encourage them to eat fresh and green vegetables which are beneficial for their
health
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 and try to reduce their habit of eating fast
food
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 from the market which is not even fresh or healthy. It is
also
Linking Words
 the responsibility of their family members to develop
habit
Add an article
the habit
a habit
show examples
 of doing daily exercise and
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
 in the morning. They should encourage them to develop their personality, not to be overweight in their life. Government can
also
Linking Words
 take some steps to keep them healthy as they can open gym buildings and
also
Linking Words
 establish parks near to residential areas where people or pupils of society can visit there in their free time or in the morning for walk or exercise. Authorities can
also
Linking Words
streesed
Correct your spelling
stressed
 on providing healthy
food
Use synonyms
 in the street market. They can
also
Linking Words
 educate people of society about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of taking
food
Use synonyms
 which is full of nutrients
instead
Linking Words
 of more calories
food
Use synonyms
. They should
also
Linking Words
 encourage them through campaigns or banners to remain healthy as they are the future of the country which helps in the development of economy
thrugh
Correct your spelling
through
though
varios
Correct your spelling
various
 innovations.
This
Linking Words
 is only possible if they are not overweight and unhealthy.
Submitted by Kamaljeetkaur6968 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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