IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Children are engaged in different kind of paid work. Many of people consider it inappropriate and Validate Essay many think it as a learning experience for taking responsibility? Give your opinions and view on this statement?

#children #work #people #responsibility
Work
 is a crucial part of life in modern society and a lot of people nowadays
starting
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to participate in
Correct your spelling
work market
WorkMarket
workmarket
Correct article usage
the workmarket
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age. It is obvious that the early start could be beneficial for boosting your career in the future and gaining
nessecary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 skills, but dangerous cases of using child
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 still exist. I gravitate to those who
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paid
work
 as a child is a positive decision and
this
 essay will cover two main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it.
Firstly
, those who started to
work
 early are more mature and responsible for their career path than their classmates. If teenagers begin to try different jobs while at high school, they are more likely to be confident in college
desicion
Correct your spelling
decision
 because they already knew which kind of
work
 they prefer and what they need to learn.
Secondly
, children that have paid
work
 during school have more knowledge about finance and could save some money for studying.
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be strictly controlled by parents and authorities.
Submitted by dfghjkl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: