IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More money should be spend on hiring and training the police force in order to reduce crime in big cities. What is your opinion?

#money #police #force #crime #cities
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Nowadays there exist a lot of crimes and illegalities that should be find be found and stopped with the main objective to provide security to the world and everyone who lives on it. To face the issue of
crime
Use synonyms
, there is the/an opinion that more money should be invested
on
Change preposition
apply
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in the preparation of the
police
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 force to reduce
crime
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 in the cities. With respect to
this
Linking Words
 statement, I completely recognize that there is a need for preparing the
police
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 body to defend
civils
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civilians
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 of any type of
crime
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.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 measure would be positive for two main reasons. The
first
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 point, it is well seen for people that the government cares about the protection and
secutity
Correct your spelling
security
 of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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citezens
Correct your spelling
citizens
 and invest money
on
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in
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 it. Another reason
,
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apply
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 is the importance of having training education to maintain
police
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 officers up to date with
Correct your spelling
upcoming
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up coming
Correct your spelling
upcoming
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 crimes and help them to detect and combat offences with minor damages.
On the other hand
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, it is needed to say that
crime
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 is complex and it creates different ways to be committed. It is usually said, for every
Add a comma
,low
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low
Correct your spelling
law
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 there is a loophole,
in other words
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, for much we invest in protection, in installing modern safety systems or inventing intelligent weapons… there will be always someone who will betray all these borders and commit
the
Correct article usage
a
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 criminal act. In a word, for many laws and securities systems, there will be many crimes. In conclusion, from my point of
view
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,view
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 I consider that it is a good idea to invest money in
Use synonyms
police
Add an article
the police
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 force to provide security and protection to citizens. But,
it
Add a verb
isit
wasit
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also
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 important to consider that there exist other issues in the community
such
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 as poverty in the suburbs that should not be ignored and could be solved by fair investment in
welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
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, which will help to reduce illegal activities.
Submitted by eugenia.naz12 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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