IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts while boys like science. What are the reasons for this trend and do you think this tendency should be changed?

#schools #universities #girls #arts #boys #science #trend #tendency
It is irrefutable to say that,
Media
 plays an important role in
ours’
Correct pronoun usage
our’
show examples
 daily life. Some
people
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Media
 should have
freedom
 so that it would reveal truth;
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
on the other hand
, some
people
 argue that
media
 should be restricted. The following essay would explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various arguments both in favour of
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and against,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
media
 power and
freedom
. There are myriads of reasons in the favour of
media
, the most conspicuous one is that
media
 share useful information and entertain
people
 and in today’s world
media
 helps to inform
people
 about government. Not only
media
 expose corrupt politicians but
also
 politicians have fear of
media
 that if they do something wrong they would have to explain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their wrong acts, policies and corruption.
Moreover
,
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 expose corruption deals.
For example
, Panama leaks.
In addition
,
media
also
 provide good entertainment stuff,
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 movies, songs, wildlife, weather forecast and family shows.
Nevertheless
, it is
also
 evident that the power and
freedom
 of
media
 without responsibility had proven adverse effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In
Change the preposition
On
show examples
 the contrary,
Media
freedom
 is
problem
Add an article
a problem
the problem
show examples
, when
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 expose and try to interfere personal
life’s
Change the noun form
lives
life
show examples
 of politicians, celebrities and other famous
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
Media
 wrongly interfere in the personal lives to increase the audience and ratings.
Hence
, it is
cleared
Replace the word
clear
show examples
media
 should have restrictions and governments should impose some policies to define certain boundaries for the
media
. In conclusion, I pen down saying that, without the shadow of a doubt,
Media
 advantages overweigh its disadvantages and to make it better government and law enforcement agencies should take
a part
Correct your spelling
apart
show examples
.
Submitted by tamorah2020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: