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Band 4.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for old people to learn something new while others believe that once a person is past 65 years of age it is too late to learn. What is your opinion?

#people #person #years #age
Many edged
people
 have been bringing information
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their
life
 at
post retirement
Add a hyphen
post-retirement
show examples
.
This
lead
Replace the word
led
show examples
 to
upgrade
Wrong verb form
upgrading
show examples
 them day by day and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 enthusiastic.On the other side, it is scientifically considered that it would be difficult for them to capture any task.In my view, elders with
healthy
Add an article
the healthy
a healthy
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 can grasp things but it is not the case for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior citizens.
This
 essay will discuss and elaborate
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 examples to justify it.
Firstly
,in
this
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 most
crowd
Change to a plural noun
crowds
show examples
 plan their
post retirement
Add a hyphen
post-retirement
show examples
life
 in
proper
Add an article
a proper
the proper
show examples
 manner.
However
,due to health issues,a poor memory might end to
adopt
Wrong verb form
adopting
show examples
 changes.For
example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
,I have seen elder groups participating in laughing sessions,meditation and spending time with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
nature.
This
 would eventually result to support them for
accpeting
Correct your spelling
accepting
 challenges and new learnings at
late
Add an article
a late
show examples
 age.I believe, loneliness after
Add a hyphen
career-ending
show examples
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 ending drive pupil
surviving
Change the verb form
to survive
show examples
 tough.
On the other hand
,keeping busy with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
social activities and
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 can share the
knowldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the youngsters.To illustrate
this
,older
people
 do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consulting in industries to stay updated with the technology.
Secondly
,I admit in some cases age is just a number.
In other words
, willpower is very important to enhance the skills
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 everyone.
For instance
,edged citizens are working at higher management profiles in the businesses.
Obviosuly
Correct your spelling
Obviously
,
engaged
Correct article usage
an engaged
show examples
 mind with productive things is more powerful.Still, there are
people
 who want changes in
life
 at
late
Correct article usage
a late
show examples
ege
Correct your spelling
age
 but
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
 to do anything because of weak health,less energy.I think,accepting
challeges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 and
implement
Wrong verb form
implementing
show examples
 them on your
post retirement
Add a hyphen
post-retirement
show examples
 is not wrong at all.
Ambicious
Correct your spelling
Ambitious
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 never
stop
Change the verb form
stops
show examples
 to concentrate and achieve where age
is not matter
Change the verb form
does not matter
show examples
. In conclusion,It is not compulsory to educate old
people
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
, as some will prefer to de-stress their
life
 and spend precious time
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
family.
Ofcaurse
Correct your spelling
Of course
,some would enhance the characteristics and rest in
life
.
Submitted by urvashi.rawal26 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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