IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays Many People Choose To Be Self-Employed, Rather Than To Work For A Company Or Organization. Why Might Be The Case? What Could Be The Disadvantages Of Being Self-Employed?

#people #work #company #organization #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Self-Employed is considered to be an uprising trend in the present time especially among the young generation. Several factors are expected to be the primary causes of
this
Linking Words
 situation. Meanwhile, some potential drawbacks need to be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
. First of all, a desire
of having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
 a flexible schedule and avoid repetitiveness are the key factors influencing young adults to start their own businesses. Particularly, Generation Y and Z which is the majority of young adults in the present time prefer having some excitement in their lives.
For example
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that juveniles nowadays prefer to try out new things and are often bored when there is nothing new in their lives for a certain amount of time.
Likewise
Linking Words
, it is opposite from their previous generations who prefer consistent schedules. Thereby, there is an increasing number of self-employed cases.
In contrast
Linking Words
, many argue that it is a risky choice
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of stable financial income and
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 impact
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 business failure. Certainly, owning a business requires a significant responsibility
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in terms of financial support.
For instance
Linking Words
, compared to working for major organizations
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 there is huge support from companies,
hence
Linking Words
,
no
Add a missing verb
is no
show examples
 significant impact if go out of business.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having your own company, you would need to find a budget, pay for everything and hold responsibility in case of incidents on your own.
Therefore
Linking Words
, despite its numerous advantages, it can be challenging
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for those with less experience.  In conclusion, the primary forces contributing to
this
Linking Words
 situation are independence and repetitive daily life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,it is interesting to see that more and more juveniles prefer
this
Linking Words
 path even though there are various obstacles
such
Linking Words
 as high responsibility and a lack of support.
Submitted by petchlada.yaovapak on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the main topic and provides an overview of the essay. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the thesis. Consider restructuring the introduction and conclusion for better coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: