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Band 5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
Nowadays, there are more and more
crimes
 appearing in big cities and even in the countryside, there are a lot of reasons for them to appear.
Also
, there are still some solutions for the crime to reduce the percentage. The reason and the solution will be shown in the essay.
Firstly
, the society
is continue
Change the verb form
continues
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 developing day
to day
Correct your spelling
today
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, so that it
lead
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leads
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 to the cost for the food or necessary items are going up too, many people can not afford for those, so they have to
steel
Correct your spelling
steal
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 some things to help them or evenly robber just to help them survive, some
crimes
 know they
were serve
Change the verb form
were serving
were served
show examples
 the punishment. The main reason is they can not have a job, they will not have money to buy food for clothes, if they do not have anything to survive, they will commit
crimes
. We can not avoid some people having the things about steel or robbing the bank to make rich. So committing again is really easy.
Secondly
, about the solution, there might be some,
for
example
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,example
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 some employers still making more and more jobs for them to join and they can earn the money to help their life, there still more new employers create all kinds of jobs.
However
, some countries do some incredible thinking
such
 as Norway, they create the jail for everyone who wants, with very good remuneration, so that the percentage in Norway is really low, though
this
 is so crazy.
With those
Change preposition
Those
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 solutions may help
crimes
 join
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Conclusion
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In conclusion
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, the
crimes
 after serving the
first
 punishment can return to being a crime
with
Change preposition
for
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 a lot of
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
, despite creating many more jobs by employers, and some might join with society to become honest citizens.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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