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Band 2

SOME PEOPLE DO NOT ALLOW CHILDREN TO PARTICIPATE IN GAMES’ SPORTS OR COMPETITIONS UNLESS EVERYONE GETS A PRIZE. OTHERS THINK THAT CHILDREN MUST LEARN TO DEAL WITH WINNING OR LOSING IN ORDER TO BE FULLY PREPARED FOR LIFE.DISCUSS BOTH THE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#people #children #games’ #sports #competitions #prize #life
Competition
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The competition
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 gives
challenge
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the challenge
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 to face the abilities. In school time , organized
competition
 some of the parents
not
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do not
did not
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 allow to take participate in sports.
This
 shows a loss to their
children
 for growth.
Firstly
, not letting kids in sports makes
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
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 lazier. They could never understand the meaning of taking challenges and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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 physically and logically.
Moreover
, if parents or
teacher
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teachers
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 gave a chance to
children
 for play sports ,
then
their
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there
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 must be
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
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 of activation
of
Change preposition
apply
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physically and get a chance to win prizes.
Furthermore
 , in order to by
competition
children
 learns the real meaning of losing or winning. They understood the truth of Life. And how to deal with it . They learn the meaning of growing with the flow no matter if
they
Correct your spelling
the
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loss
Replace the word
lose
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 or win . To conclude, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
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 parents or teacher must
allowed
Change the verb form
allow
be allowed
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to
Change preposition
apply
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children
 to took
participation
Replace the word
participate
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 in
Add an article
the competition
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competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
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 in order to learn new things.
Submitted by writingpractice233 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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