IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

More workers work overtime and had less exercise. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often held that teachers, peers and the media have a significant influence on the life of
children
Use synonyms
. While some people argue that these factors are predominant in shaping a child's future, others believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 impact their offspring in more critical ways.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. On the one hand, the books
children
Use synonyms
 read and the music they listen to form their belief system.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 tend to copy the behaviour of their favourite personality or a fictional character.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when little ones work and play in groups, they are influenced by their peers.
Finally
Linking Words
, other factors, like the media, prompt
children
Use synonyms
 to want things regarded as fashionable.
For instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 demand toys that they see on television.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a child's personality is malleable at a very young age, and
parents
Use synonyms
 are always present in their life at
this
Linking Words
 stage.
Also
Linking Words
, very young
children
Use synonyms
 love to imitate.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who come from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dysfunctional
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 often exhibit behavioural problems at school. An emotionally secure environment at home is
also
Linking Words
 critical for the child's confidence. Some studies have proven that
children
Use synonyms
 would feel vulnerable if they are placed in an environment where they feel emotionally insecure.
Also
Linking Words
,
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 have shown that some
children
Use synonyms
’s traumatic experience is caused by a separation from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 teach
children
Use synonyms
 about setting boundaries. 
In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
's choices of friends, books or music
depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
 on the values instilled in them by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 hold more substantial sway over their offspring than media, pop culture and friends circle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: