IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts below show the percentages of men and women in employment in three countries in 2005 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #percentages #men #women #employment #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart provides the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
males and
females
Use synonyms
 working in three countries in 2005 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 of males was higher than
females
Use synonyms
 in the two given years.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growing
employment
Use synonyms
 was seen in both genders in three countries in
this
Linking Words
 period. As
regard
Correct subject-verb agreement
regards
show examples
 men, their percentage of
employment
Use synonyms
 was higher over 50% in both years despite only a slight increase
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
noticed in
this
Linking Words
 time. Remarkably, the highest
rate
Use synonyms
 was noticed in Japan, with over 70% in both years.
This
Linking Words
rate
Use synonyms
 was seen lower in Australia and Ireland.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to men, there was significant
employment
Use synonyms
 growth in Australian women from 35% in 2005 to over 50% in 2015. The two rest
countries
Change preposition
of countries
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
noticed a slight rise in
females
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the gap in
employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 between males and
females
Use synonyms
 was the largest in Japan where there just
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
under 35% of women worked.
Submitted by mailien.cv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words females, employment, rate with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: