IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.
Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions?

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From the past to the present, money has been crucial to buy food, medical treatment, apparel and house. To encourage employees or salesman by increasing their salary is one of the useful methods.
However
, money cannot contribute people to
work
 harder. There are some approaches to support and attract workers to regist in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sales positions. I will provide my ideas in
this
 essay. On the one hand, every people need a high income definitely, but sometimes rising up money does not
work
. Because staff require stable statuses
such
 as passive income and comfortable
work
. If workers have the destination to
work
 as managers, they will have more productivity in their job.
Therefore
, designing the position in the company may attract and encourage employees to increase
in
Change preposition
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product distribution.
On the other hand
, according to the Greek philosopher, Plato, happiness is the way to have beneficial life or be one who helps others. If salesperson works for a great purpose, they will take care of their customers efficiently.
For instance
, insurance salesman will sell products by justice and they will
work
as
Replace the word
like
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 the ones who
assists
Change the verb form
assist
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 others in risk distribution.
Thus
, encouraging passion in staff will help company development. In summary, both providing the position in future and creating the purpose and passion can contribute salesperson to
work
 better. From my observation, many companies in Thailand have done these approaches.
Additionally
, there are many methods to gain a lot of customers.
This
 essay illustrates just a few examples.
Submitted by kavinpob on

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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