IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In the advanced age, people can see various advertisements
at
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 TV,
shopping
Change preposition
in shopping

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 malls and so forth. Many corporations emphasize
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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that their goods are novel in some way. The essay will discuss why they advertise that way and it blows whether positive or negative influence in the following paragraphs before leading to a logical conclusion. Generally, businesses need to focus on consumers' interest to show their products more special than other companies'
things
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. For
public
Add an article
a public
the public

The noun phrase public seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the items, displayed
from
Change preposition
by

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 each corporate, have the same functions, it can drive different results from how to advertise them. To be specific, as many are interested in new
things
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, technologies and so on, it is easy to be interested in products, which have words like new. Even some always look forward to creative
things
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. In my opinion, advertising, which makes
customers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 interested in goods, can help to develop positively in both people and businesses. On the one hand,
customers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 who got the item
,
Remove the comma
apply

The comma may be separating the subject and verb in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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 introduced that the product was new, will have an achievement because of the item that many people were interested in or even some wanted to grab.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
in corporates
Correct your spelling
incorporates

The word in corporates seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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, the more interesting, they can attain
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 higher amount of productivity.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
customers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

' interest makes
better
Add an article
a better
the better

The noun phrase better effect seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 effect on selling. In conclusion, a myriad of companies
Correct pronoun usage
that advertise

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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advertise
Change the verb form
advertises

The plural verb advertise does not appear to agree with the singular subject myriad. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 their products showed they are novel
things
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in some way. I firmly insist that speciality or creativity are important to
win
Change the verb form
winning

The verb win may be in the wrong form after the preposition to. Consider changing it to the gerund form.

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 in a variety of competitions.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in my opinion, advertisement attracting
customers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 by using the word 'new' is at least necessary to compete with other items and it can make
customers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 more confident and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 corporates to have
better
Add an article
a better

The noun phrase better situation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 situation.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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