In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility

Nowadays,

children

's obesity is an ongoing and daunting problem.

And some

Correct word choice

Some

show examples

individuals believe that the

government

should take responsibility for

this

issue. I wholeheartedly agree with

this

statement. And in

this

essay, I will explain the reasons. The

government

is mainly responsible for

this

crisis, and the principal reason for it is that in recent years, it should have been providing sports programs

instead

of supporting the diverse and alluring advertisements about sugary and unhealthy foods on social media. Because, when these sugary products

advertise

Wrong verb form

are advertised

show examples

through the Internet and various social applications, and even TV and radio,

children

encourage

Wrong verb form

are encouraged

show examples

to buy and eat them.

For example

, diverse and stunning sorts of advertisements about chocolate

cand

Correct your spelling

can

show examples

persuade

children

more.

In addition

, the

government

also

responsible for

this

difficulty, because it could not manage well-organized and beneficial sports programs for pupils in schools.

Thus

, society especially

children

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

faced obesity in the few

last

years, and in the

long-term

Correct your spelling

long term

show examples

this

will

have been

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

worse.

For instance

, students should play sports for at least 2 hours per day and now it is less than 1 hour.

Moreover

, one of the most indispensable duties of the

government

is to provide free and attainable facilities and equipment in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

for

children

Hence

, it will be affordable for everyone to use them. To illustrate, there should be constructed facilities in parks or playgrounds to burn calories. In conclusion,

although

we are in a grave situation and it seems to need strenuous endeavour to deal with it, the

government

can with

viable

Correct article usage

a viable

show examples

plan tackle

this

disaster and alleviate it. In My view, only in

this

way can the

government

overcome

this

current predicament.

Submitted by nibbana333 on Fri Mar 04 2022

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task response

The essay addresses the issue but lacks a clear and comprehensive development of ideas. It needs more specific and relevant examples to support the main points.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure is somewhat evident, but the introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped. Ensure that each paragraph's main idea logically connects to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion.

: Some people say that traffic accidents are caused by the increasing number of motorbikes. Other blame for man’s fault. Which point of view do you agree ?