IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people think the government should focus on improving the economy of the country. other people think the government should focus on social services such as health and education programs which statement do you agree with? explain and provide examples to support your opinion.

#people #government #focus #economy #country #services #health #education #programs #support
With the accelerated life pace of modern society, various
pressure
 from study, work and other aspects have troubled lots of
people
, some of whom even had depression ascribed to excessive
pressure
. In
this
 essay, I will account for the causes corresponding to
this
 adverse phenomenon, and some plausible solutions will be provided. From my point of view, both external
factors
 and internal
factors
 should be responsible for
stress
. External
factors
, including the
stress
 from teachers, employers and other
people
, usually force
people
 to do something that might be challenging for them. If an employee is informed to sell a certain number of products, or he/she is demanded to finish a sales report in a given short time, it may be apparent that the individual would work under
stress
. Internal
factors
,
Correct pronoun usage
which refer
show examples
refer
Wrong verb form
referring
show examples
 to the individual himself/herself, would be a reason
that is
 prone to
Add a missing verb
be ignored
show examples
ignored
Change the form of the verb
ignore
show examples
. Indeed,
stress
 origins from how
people
 consider,
that is
, if they treat some assignments as of less importance, to a large extent, plenty of
stress
 would be relieved. To reduce
stress
, doing some sports regularly might be a plausible solution.
This
 is partly because after exercising,
people
 may feel full of energy, which might make them more assured to tackle some relatively sticky issues. Another way to decrease
stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 that can be carried out in daily life is to eat
Add an article
a banana
the banana
show examples
banana
Fix the agreement mistake
bananas
show examples
. It is reported that banana contains
“happiness
Correct article usage
a “happiness
show examples
 factor” which can alleviate
pressure
 and ease
mood
Add an article
the mood
show examples
. To sum up,
stress
 may
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
show examples
 from both external
factors
 and internal
factors
, and to cope with it, doing sports and eating
Add an article
a banana
show examples
banana
Fix the agreement mistake
bananas
show examples
 would be two convenient methods. From my perspective, if more
people
 could adjust their
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
 and find their own ways to deal with
pressure
 effectively,
then
 some undesirable consequences attributed to it like depression may be avoided to a great extent.
Submitted by 1669191790 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: