IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The quality of healthcare a person received should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. To what extent do you agree?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modernization and advancement of technologies, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 often issues regarding the healthcare
facilities
Use synonyms
 as most of the
health
Use synonyms
 services require
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
 of payments. The costly investigations,
Add an article
the procedure
a procedure
show examples
procedure
Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
show examples
 often put
people
Use synonyms
 in
delimma
Correct your spelling
dilemma
 whether to receive
treatments
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 or not. Somehow, the
government
Use synonyms
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 has to be responsible to ensure the
facilities
Use synonyms
 of minimum
health
Use synonyms
evenif
Correct your spelling
even if
 they
arenot
Correct your spelling
are not
aren't
 able to
provides
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 high quality of
care
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. The present lifestyle and working environment of
people
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 which now has become so feasible that
people
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 do works from home
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 have led to many more disease
occurance
Correct your spelling
occurrence
 which are rising day by
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 type of situation
people
Use synonyms
 often gets diseases that are incurable and costly for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
treatments
Use synonyms
. On top of that,
monitezation
Correct your spelling
monetization
 has played
significant
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a significant
the significant
show examples
 role which is not
good
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a good
show examples
 idea because every citizen of the
country
Use synonyms
 ought to get the basic
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 as
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 the basic right every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 have to assure comprising
fooding
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food
 and shelter. There are
people
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 who are jobless or elderly or who
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have enough money to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their basic requirements, some are bread earners and have to run their families. For those type of
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 the
government
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 have to ensure sound
health
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 which can save
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of needy
people
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.
Besides
Linking Words
, one of the research conducted in Nigeria in 2010 by
UNISCO
Correct your spelling
UNESCO
 shared that poverty has been
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 one leading problem for major
health
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 issues like acute diseases
such
Linking Words
 as malnutrition, failure to thrive, poor development and growth of the
Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in that context when
people
Use synonyms
 suffered because of poverty, they
couldnot
Correct your spelling
could not
couldn't
 even have their fooding,
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 impossible to have expenditure on treating disease they have suffered. So if the
nierian
Correct your spelling
Nigerian
government
Use synonyms
 could focus on those fundaments, it could have made better impacts by decreasing on child and maternal mortality rate drastically.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should charge minimum amounts for general checkups so that every
dwellers
Change to a singular noun
dweller
show examples
 of the
country
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 can have the accessibility
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
decentralization
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the decentralization
show examples
 of
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 in all corners of the
country
Use synonyms
 would improve the
health
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 system. In general free
champiagns
Correct your spelling
campaigns
champagne
, free primary medicines and clinics have to be
Correct your spelling
set up
show examples
setup
Correct your spelling
set up
show examples
 so every
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 can have the
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to get
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 medical
assess
Replace the word
assessment
show examples
 in
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
 and save their lives. To recapitulate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 is a major and crucial factor defining the development of the nation, which will ultimately lead to
country
Use synonyms
's prosperity, so the enrolling
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 system of the nation have to allocate some budgets in planning the
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
that
 the basic
treatments
Use synonyms
 for the nationalities without concerning the charges, as nothing is precious than
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of a person in
emergency
Add an article
an emergency
show examples
 to be saved and get treated. If
people
Use synonyms
 get good
health
Use synonyms
 services they
willnot
Correct your spelling
will not
 expend their money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 foreign countries for better
treatments
Use synonyms
 which will apparently lead to decreasing the
country
Use synonyms
's economy.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic human right
  • societal well-being
  • quality of life
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • social unrest
  • affordability
  • accessibility
  • social justice
  • equality
  • resource allocation
  • quality standards
  • private healthcare
  • profit
  • taxes
  • burden
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