Some people think that having a set retirement age( 65 years) for everybody regardless of occupation is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive pension at earlier age. • Do you agree? • Which type of worker do you think should benefit from early retirement? Give reason for your answer and include any recent example from your knowledge of experience.

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It is argued that there should be different ages of retirement based on working situation to justify the occupational laws. So, some people should be retired at younger ages. As far as I am concerned, governments should address every craft and its regulations regarding its own conditions. First of all, it is worth mentioning that officials can not make identical regulations on all sorts of jobs.

Therefore

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, the laws are always imposed in

such

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a way to support fairness.

For example

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, some individuals have a position in hazardous factories

such

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as petrochemicals.

As a result

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, they are subjected to fatal chemicals for a long time.

This

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kind of job has an adulthood of 45 for retirement in Iran.

Moreover

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, several occupations struggle with their lives

such

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as miners. So, these workers

also

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deserve to be retired as a young man.

On the other hand

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this

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policy may encounter society with specific challenges in terms of the workforce.

Firstly

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, the global population is ageing and there is a lack of young individuals to take the positions in the future which results in the shutdown of the industry.

Furthermore

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, the more experienced employees leave the workplace because of their age, the more knowledge is drained from the professional environment. Regarding

this

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problem, older employees can be hired as counsellors.

For instance

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, many retired people have the position of advisor in oil and gas companies in Iran. In conclusion,

although

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it is unfair to make an unbalanced relationship between crafts hardships and the age that workers leave their jobs forever, I am of the opinion that some measures should be taken to use their experience as much as possible. The ageing of the earth's residents is a serious issue.

a.danialbahramiFri Jan 31 2025

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for improved flow and cohesion.

task achievement

While examples are relevant, a few more details could enhance clarity and depth of arguments.

task achievement

The essay effectively addresses the complexity of the retirement age debate, providing a comprehensive response to the prompt.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task achievement

Relevant examples, such as the retirement age for hazardous jobs in Iran, strongly support the main points.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement age
pension
occupations
unfair
physical labor
risk exposure
health impact
mental stress
hazardous materials
emotional strain
skill obsolescence
technological advancements
eligible
long-term health risks
provisions for early retirement

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