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Band 4.5

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods To what extend do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal

#people #country #materials #goods #production
As a medical professional, I have a strong interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 combining technology with my healthcare expertise to enhance the treatment and life quality of
patients
. Throughout my previous experience, I have had a great opportunity to work on a digital care project with a start-up to create chest wearable devices that can help physicians monitor COPD
patients
 remotely by collecting
physiological
Correct article usage
the physiological
show examples
 parameters of
patients
 at home. Collected
data
 will be analyzed, visualized to medical reports and assessed periodically by doctors. An early warning system based on machine learning using an algorithm
that is
 capable of predicting when a patient may exacerbate based on
exacerbation
 history and abnormal symptoms from daily collected
data
. When an
exacerbation
 is detected, a warning or message will be automatically sent to physicians and
patients
 with instructions.
As a result
, physicians can monitor remotely, increase self-management of
patients
, intervene promptly
exacerbation
Change preposition
in exacerbation
show examples
 and avoid hospitalization. Throughout
this
 project, I am intrigued by
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 impacts that technology and A.
I
Correct pronoun usage
My
show examples
 application can bring to help improve
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of
patients
. Enrolling on the health informatics program will help me sharpen health
data
 analysis skills, upgrade my competency of handling medical complexity by using technology and prepare to lead A.I based changes in the healthcare settings in the future. My career goal is to conduct research on digital care projects that can utilize the application of A.I and machine learning to help analyze daily patient
data
 and medical imaging to predict
exacerbation
 or abnormal symptoms that may potentially lead to emergency care.
Submitted by npanhtuan09 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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