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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #job #career #life #change #jobs
There are some people who quickly consider a major long time occupation.
Otherwise
, others confirm
that is
 no problem to change
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 up to we find out one appropriate
job
. Personally, I totally am in
favor
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favour
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 of later
notion
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notions
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 and justifications
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
are
Wrong verb form
be
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 shown.
First
 of all, it is challenging to get a suitable
job
 today. Almost all of schools or universities had not
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of useful train lessons to facilitate students have a right way in order to determine on their
career
. So, educational institutions need
product
Change preposition
to product
show examples
 some particular instructions for
Add an article
the teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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 to classify students into the right fields in privacy.
Next
,
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the employee
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 cannot perceive all information on
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 they have to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 in
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
,
for instance
, analyzing
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
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 have to do outdoor
instead
 of in the laboratory
although
job
 interpretation is similar.
Moreover
, each worker needs different traits of jobs in
different
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a different
show examples
 period, same as when they had been married or when they concentrate on
take
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taking
show examples
 care their family.
Consequently
, spotting a suitable
job
 which spending a lot of time and shifting the occupation in several times.
On the other hand
, altering the
job
 is not demanding to emerge a number of problems for either employer or employee. As globalization is
carrying
Wrong verb form
carried
show examples
 out over the world, nations can change the place where they find it easy to hire foreign workers.
In contrast
,
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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also
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a new
job
in
Change preposition
apply
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abroad
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they are free to enter any company in order to fit their
career
. In conclusion, countries need
generate
Fix the infinitive
to generate
show examples
 conditions for students to reach the right
job
 in
fastest
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the fastest
show examples
 way and expand
career
Correct article usage
the career
show examples
 market for everybody. Overall, I completely agree that we can change some jobs to approach our perfect
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Submitted by nguyenpqbao0111 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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