Some people think that the crime among teenagers is increasing because of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The controversial topic concerning

crime

among youngsters never fails to attract public attention. Even several individuals believe that wrongdoings percentage is increasingly popular among them

this

is due to the fact that they play violent video

games

regularly. In my opinion,

although

some video

games

can contribute to

violation

Add an article

the violation

a violation

show examples

, it is not the only factor to blame.

This

essay will discuss other things that could upsurge criminals among youth.

Firstly

, some action movies could raise

violation

Correct article usage

the violation

show examples

rate among teenagers.

This

is due to the fact that these shows could show real situations of people who use weapons to solve their own problems

instead

of seeking help from legal authorities.

For instance

, a movie called "old mali and the boy" taught

audience

Add an article

the audience

show examples

how to use destructive weapons to defend themselves against normal unarmed persons.

Therefore

, teenagers

Correct your spelling

specifically

especifically

Add a missing verb

are especifically

show examples

easily attracted to

such

movies so much that they want to mimic them. For

this

reason, it is commonly believed that some shows could increase

crime

among certain

age

Fix the agreement mistake

ages

show examples

in our society.

Secondly

violent

Correct article usage

a violent

show examples

environment could be considered as an effective factor

Change preposition

show examples

minors'

attitude

Fix the agreement mistake

attitudes

show examples

. Because they experience

violence

so much that they became accustomed to it.

For example

violence

is natural among youngsters who live in areas that have a high

crime

rate. Even though some

games

could increase bad deeds among them, living between

violence

Replace the word

violent

show examples

individuals could

also

contribute to

violation

Correct article usage

the violation

show examples

rate. In conclusion,

however

, several

games

can entice

crime

between younger people, other factors

such

as action movies and violent environments could

also

boost it to the max. It is recommended that government should increase public awareness towards

violence

to protect minors from being criminals in the future.

Submitted by aymanshabakaa on Mon Mar 14 2022

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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