IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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High-level-
Correct your spelling
High-level sugar
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sugar
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products
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 have gained more attention from the public for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 detrimental effect on
people
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's
health
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. Someone even argues that the
price
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 of these
products
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 should be raised to discourage
people
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 from purchasing them. Personally, I disagree with the idea because there are more viable ways to reach that. For a variety of reasons, it would be a wrong method to raise the
price
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 of
products
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 with high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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Use synonyms
sugar
Change preposition
of sugar
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, increasing the prices cannot forbid
people
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 from eating
sugar
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. They can add more
sugar
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 to their homemade food, leading to the same consequences that they still intake too much
sugar
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.
Secondly
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, it is unequal to the manufacturers because the high
price
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 will reduce their sales which result in a loss of earnings. It is more crucial for the government to raise citizens’ awareness of
sugar
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-caused
health
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 problems. Few
people
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 have realized the significance of living a
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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 life, which makes them keep consuming sugary
products
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. So the essential measure we should take is to deepen their understanding of
sugar
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’s effects. Only when
people
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 make changes, can they consciously avoid
health
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 problems. They should take more courses about
health
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 issues and choose a clean diet. Manufacturers should
also
Linking Words
 give strict restrictions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
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 content of every product. In the meantime, they are supposed to print the disadvantages of
sugar
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 in the packages of their
products
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. In conclusion, I believe it is more important to raise individual awareness of
sugar
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-caused
health
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 problems rather than setting a higher
price
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 for sugary
products
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. Efforts should be made by all, including
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals, manufacturers and governments.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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